


Enchantress of the Knight

by Sera_the_Adventurer



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Idiots in Love, Multi, Slow Burn Romance, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23315086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sera_the_Adventurer/pseuds/Sera_the_Adventurer
Summary: The Inquisitor's story didn't begin at the conclave. Her first taste of fate occurred in the Ferelden Circle, where she met a certain templar and warden.This is a tale of duty and romance, second chances, achieving life long dreams and discovering new ones.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	1. The Mage

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters cover timelines throughout DA:Origins and DA2, but the rest of the chapters will be in the Inquisition timeline. Chapters will alternate from Cullen and Trevelyan's perspectives. 
> 
> Also, this is my first Dragon Age fic, so I'd love any feedback you have :)

Cullen Rutherford knew he wanted to help people since he was a little boy. When he learned about the order of Templars, Cullen knew he had found his calling. He told his siblings on his eighth birthday that one day he would be a Templar. His younger siblings had laughed, but after the evening festivities had ended his older sister, Mia, pulled him away. 

She explained the dangers that came with being a templar. How he might have to hurt someone in order to save another. Cullen thought that perhaps his sister was trying to dissuade him from the idea. However she assured him that she was not. Mia suggested that he ask the local chantry templars to teach him sword fighting, and in the mean-time they should increase their games of chess. 

“Remember Rutherford” Mia said seriously, “Being a good soldier, and a good templar requires more than a sword and shield.” 

Mia pulled Cullen into a hug and pressed her lips against the top of his head. “Being a good Templar requires careful thought and strategy, a kind heart, and most importantly you must be a good man first.”

Cullen sighed softly, “Thank you for believing in me”. 

“Yes well, that’s what sisters are for. Besides you better not let me down.” Mia’s fingers darted across Cullen’s chest as he erupted into laughter. 

***

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. Maker’s breath this was it. Cullen exhaled loudly, and slowly opened his eyes. 

“Don’t have a conniption brother” Branson clapped him on the shoulder. Cullen startled before glaring at his little brother. 

“It’s just your eighteenth birthday, and oh yeah, you are being sworn into the Order of the Templars. No big deal.”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Of course you’d say that.” 

Branson sprawled on the only chair in the small room and looked around the sparsely decorated room. “This is quaint.” 

“It’s just a waiting room” Cullen muttered self consciously, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Aren’t you going to ask how I got in?”

Cullen gestured to the open window. “I’m not daft. I figured you’d sneak in since you missed my goodbyes at home.”

He walked over to the window, glancing out into the sunny day. His childhood lake glittered in the short distance. Cullen noted the large oak tree leaning against the stone wall. “I appreciate the thought, but you really should climb back down. The templars are going to be back any minute now.”

Branson sighed. “I know, I know. Duty first.” He got up and crossed the room slowly. He slung a leg over the window sill. 

“You may not believe it, but I worry about you. It’s a dangerous world out there past the farms.”

Cullen knew that personally. He had seen a few instances of danger while training as a recruit. A mage burst into an abomination while he was on route to an assignment. He had watched in awe as his trainer quickly handled the situation. No civilians were hurt in the havoc wreaked by the unchecked magic bouncing against the stone walls of villager homes. 

“Thank you, but I will be fine.” Cullen clasped Branson’s shoulder. He knew that he could have a clear head in danger, and that was all he needed to accomplish his job. 

Branson nodded quietly, a smile struggling to emerge on his young face. Then suddenly as if a candle had lit in his head, he began to rummage through his coat.

“Here I want you to have this.” Branson pulled out of his coat a small coin. He rubbed the coin against the fabric of his coat. It shined a little brighter, but it was still just a coin.

“Thank you?” Cullen supposed he was missing a reference as he took the coin. 

“It’s a  _ lucky _ coin. Remember when I was little and almost drowned in that lake down the hill, and that traveling elf trader saved me? He gave me the coin, told me that it would guide anyone who had it towards good.” Branson huffed a little, “Just keep it okay.”

Cullen’s heart felt soft. This was a big gesture for his rambunctious brother. He was going to miss his family sorely. Surely one token from home wouldn’t make him a horrible templar. 

“I swear I will keep it.” Cullen said solemnly. 

Branson smiled brightly, and swung his other leg out of the window, and scuttled down the oak tree. Cullen watched him land on the grassy hill. Branson waved joyfully before running towards home. 

“Maker’s breath. This is real.” Cullen whispered to himself. 

The wooden door creaked open, a templar stood in the opening. 

“Ser Rutherford. Are you ready for your ordination?”

Cullen Rutherford stood up straighter, and pocketed the lucky coin. “I am.”

***

Kinloch Hold sat on Lake Calenhad. It could be a beautiful place, but when the winds howled at night and the rain came pouring down it would make many of the younger mages frightened as they arrived via boat.

Cullen hadn’t imagined that his first assignment would be at this prestigious Ferelden circle tower. Yet here he was two years later, and for the most part he felt satisfied. 

Cullen didn’t see very much fighting action inside the tower which disappointed his inner child, however it appeased his ever worried sister. On most days he felt like he was helping the mages. Then there were some days where he had the nagging suspicion that the mages didn’t feel the same -- that instead of protecting them, he was locking them up. It didn’t help when he’d listen to some templars talk in the barracks about the mages. 

Cullen stood up as the large wooden doors swung open. A burst of wind and rain blew in, scattering papers on the entrance desk. A sharp crack of lightning lit up the room before the doors banged shut. He wondered briefly if the new mage was young and terrified. 

An escort of templars approached Cullen. He couldn’t see quite the new mage. He nodded at the templars before he quickly searched for the correct paperwork. 

“Is this Gwenllian Trevelyan?” he asked, scanning the paperwork, it seemed that this wasn’t a new mage. 

“Yes. We have the transfer from the Ostwick Circle.” said the lead templar. They stepped to the side, and Cullen got his first look at the new mage. 

She was drenched from the rain, long brown curly locks plastered to her velvet cloak. She was tall and slender, curves in all the right places. Wait what?, Cullen thought abruptly, that’s not appropriate. 

She raised her piercing green eyes to meet his. Cullen could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. She looked him up and down, as she pushed her hair out of her face. 

“I should’ve known that they were hiding all the cute templars in Ferelden.” She said, eyeing him playfully. 

Maker’s breath she was beautiful, Cullen thought. 

“Respect your superiors.” one of the templar guards snapped at the mage. She rolled her eyes. But the reminder snapped Cullen out of his dumbfounded reverie. 

He quickly got back to business, signed the correct papers, and sent the templar guard off to the barracks for a quick meal before they continued their journey elsewhere. 

“Follow me. I will take you to the First Enchanter.” Cullen finally announced to the mage without looking her in the eyes. 

She laughed lightly, “Lead on handsome.”

Cullen nodded stiffly. He knew that he probably was blushing. He hated that he blushed easily but it simply couldn’t be helped. They walked in silence down the stone hallway. It was later at night, so all the other mages were either asleep, or tucked up in the various corners in the library. The hallways were empty, their steps echoed off the stone work. 

“I’m not a rebel, if that’s what you’re thinking.” the mage said offhandedly. 

“I hadn’t considered that.” Honestly, Cullen hadn’t finished reading the paperwork. He had gotten distracted, but he wasn’t about to admit that, even though he was pretty sure she already knew that. 

“I mean I did once climb out onto the roof to watch the sunset, but I don’t think that qualifies as a rebel. It was just too pretty to ignore. The colors in the Ostwick skies are beautiful. Does Ferelden have lovely sunsets?” the mage smiled at Cullen disarming his business exterior. 

Cullen thought of his last sunset with his family. Sitting in a tree with his sister watching the purple hues mix with the last orange hues of the sun. “Yes, I do believe we have very good sunsets, but you won’t be able to climb onto this roof. Only the First Enchanter has that key.”

The mage nodded as if she was thinking that wouldn’t stop her. “That’s alright, I suppose. Besides I don’t plan on being here forever. I was transferred here to meet with the Knight Enchanters.”

Cullen hadn’t expected that. No other mages had ever taken advantage of the Knight Enchanters headquarters nearby. 

“That’s a prestigious group.” Cullen said carefully. “What makes you confident that you’d be let in?”

“Is that a challenge?” The mage's green eyes lit up and drilled into Cullen with a fierciness that was a little startling. 

“No, no sorry I just … I’ve never met...”

She laughed. “It’s alright. I’ve gotten that response a lot. Hopefully this First Enchanter believes my old Enchanter’s praise.”

Cullen stopped at their destination. He didn’t want to open the door. He had never had the impulse to talk to a mage longer than appropriate. But this mage … Stop, he thought abruptly, It wasn’t appropriate to think that way about a charge. 

He knocked on the First Enchanter’s door. “Ser I have the mage transfer from Ostwick.”

An older man’s voice callen out “Let her in.”

Cullen opened the door, and held it open for the mage. She began to enter the Enchanter’s room, but she paused a few inches away from his chest plate. She looked up at him with her bright green eyes. They glittered with a playfulness that Cullen desperately missed in his life at the circle. 

“I’m not just a mage. Please call me Gwen.”

And before Cullen could let out his breath, she was gone. Andraste bless him. He knew that his assignment at the Circle had just changed drastically in a way he’d never expected, nor wanted. 


	2. The Templar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen blushes profusely, and the Inquisitor (to be) learns how to sword fight.

The First Enchanter’s quarters were warm and inviting. A fire crackled and popped in the background. An older mage who sat in a large leather chair beckoned her forward.

“Let me see you child.”

Gwen resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was hardly a child. She stepped into the light of the fire.

“Pleasure to meet you Enchanter. I am Gwenllian Trevelyan of the Ostwick Circle.”

“Yes, yes, you are the esteemed transfer. Tell me why I should recommend you to the order of Knight Enchanters?”

Gwen had been expecting that question. _Everyone_ asked that. “Enchanter, this has been my life goal since I was a child.”

In the warm flickering light she began her story.

***

Gwenllian Trevelyan had been named after an ancient warrior princess of her land. Her father had great hopes that she would live up to the legacy as his first born, and heir to their estate. However, she knew from a very young age that would be a difficult task because she was born with magic.

Her mother knew and kept Gwen’s magical abilities a secret for years. When Gwen’s father was away on business, they would curl up in her mother’s bed and devour all the books about magic that she could collect.

One evening, her mother pulled out a new book called “The Ways of Knight Enchanting”. It spoke of mages who were warriors on the battlefields. Instead of standing in the back of the ranks, these special mages were front and center using a magical blade forged from their own mana. Gwen fell in love with the idea immediately.

This was the way that she could embrace her magic, and embrace her legacy as a warrior. She hoped that she could make her father and herself proud. It was a hard decision to make as a ten year old, but in order to learn the art of Knight Enchanting she needed a proper magical tutor. Nothing could sway her. She had to tell her father of her abilities, no matter the consequences.

On a brisk winter morning she told her father that she had magic. She knew what to expect. He raged for hours, stomping around the estate, barking angry orders at confused servants, but he didn’t disown her. Her parents agreed to send her to the Ostwick tower. She left as soon as the arrangements could be made without so much as a goodbye from either.

What she didn’t expect was that she’d never recieve a single letter from her father in all the years away. Her mother however wrote to her frequently, and became a great support.

Gwen threw herself into her studies for ten years until she became the best apprentice in her circle. Getting the news that she would be transferred closer to the Knight Enchanters order was the best eighteenth birthday present she could’ve dreamed of.

***

The First Enchanter gave her permission to write the chantry where the Knight Enchanters resided. Her letter combined with his recommendation was sent out by raven as soon as she wrote it. However that thrilling moment watching the raven disappear into the night had been a fortnight ago. Gwen still hadn’t heard a response, and she was getting restless.

“This is ridiculous” Gwen exclaimed “I should have heard back from them by now.”

“There are a lot of reasonable explanations why it’s taking longer than you’d like.” Gwen’s new friend reassured her.

“Thank you for being the voice of reason Solona.” Gwen moaned, resting her cheek in her hand.

Gwen had met Solona Amell a few days ago, and they had immediately hit it off. They were both preparing for the next steps for their life after the Circle. Solona was due to take her harrowing next week, and Gwen desperately wanted to begin training on her new studies. Needless to say, they both were terribly bored of their regular studies, and itched for something new to do.

The two women were sitting in the library window looking down at the courtyard. A few templars were idly practicing swordplay instead of guarding the exterior doors. As Gwen watched them fight, an idea slowly started to creep into her mind.

“I have an idea on how to get started on training without the official Knight Enchanters.” Gwen smiled mischievously, “and I know the perfect target. Do you want to come with me?”

“You know I’d love to be anywhere than here.”

The two mages exited the library in a hurry, accidentally bumping a few stacks of books onto the floor. Gwen led Solana through a maze of hallways before stopping abruptly.

“A few paces down this hallway that cute templar, I think his name is Cullen, is on guard.”

“What type of plan is this? Are you trying to seduce a templar?” Solona narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You know I won’t have any part in that type of plan.”

Gwen already knew that this might come up. While Solona was fun, she was definitely more hesitant to break any circle rules. She wanted to get out of here probably more than Gwen did, and nothing was going to jeopardize her chances.

“No, no, of course not.” Gwen waved her hand dismissively in the air. “I want him to teach me to fight with a sword. However you may be slightly right, I do think he has a soft spot for me since he blushes every time I remark on how handsome he is.”

“I mean you can be very forward.” Solona snuck her head around the corner to get a look at the templar. “As long as you don’t have any real feelings for him, I think this plan should be alright.”

Gwen crossed her fingers over her chest. “I promise, there are no feelings behind the teasings.”

Solona rolled her eyes playfully. “I’ll let you know if you go too far with those teasings.”

Gwen twirled one of her curls in her finger out of nervous habit as she walked up to Cullen. She could feel Solona following close behind her. “Ser Cullen, do you have a minute?”

The templar glanced down the empty hallway, rubbing his neck, before he nodded. “I suppose. Is there something that you need?”

“As you know I’m here to get in contact with the Knight Enchanters. I sent them a letter, but their response is taking longer than I’d like.”

Cullen nodded hesitantly. It was clear he had no idea where she was going.

“I had a brilliant idea on how I could get started on training while I waited. Knight Enchanters use a sword forged from magic, but the battle tactics that they use with that sword should be the same as a normal sword. At least, I can only assume.” Gwen leaned slightly into Cullen’s personal space. She got a slight whiff of his scent as he breathed unsteadily, he smelled like fresh soap, and something else … nature?

“I figured that I should ask the best swordsman in the circle to help train me. What do you think cutie? Are you up for a challenge?” Gwen winked playfully.

A sharp pain seared up her leg as Solona stomped on Gwen’s foot. Gwen took a step back from Cullen, her friend was probably right, the wink was entirely too much.

“Maker’s breath” Cullen whispered, a blush creeping up his neck. However, he quickly composed himself, standing taller and placing his hand on the hilt of his sword. “You know that’s against all the rules set up in every circle across the land.”

“What if you trained me in the gardens?” Gwen suggested. “No one is out there in the early mornings.”

“It’s still against the rules, even if no one is watching.” Cullen said pointedly.

Gwen paused, thinking quickly. Obviously Cullen wouldn’t want to break any rules, his duty was important to him. She just needed to find a loophole …

“I believe that the rules are more along the lines that mages cannot enter the barracks, or use weapons.” Solona chipped in helpfully.

Gwen smiled brightly at her friend. “Let’s use the gardens, and I wouldn’t use a weapon. I could use a wooden sword, or if you don’t like that I could just use a large branch?”

Cullen chuckled, surprising both mages. “A branch wouldn’t do at all.”

“So it’s a deal, tomorrow morning?!” Gwen asked excitedly.

“Not so fast.” Cullen said quickly. “It is forbidden for templars to be alone with a charge. It could lead to inappropriate relations.”

Gwen smiled softly as she saw him tighten his grip on his sword as a little more red creeped onto his cheeks. Gwen might have underestimated how large a crush this templar had for her. Solona might have been right, this was close to playing with fire.

She held up a finger to Cullen. “One moment.” Gwen turned away from him, and huddled with Solona against the opposite wall.

“You may have been right.” She admitted in a hurried whisper. Solona just raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement.

“But I’ve gone too far, I can’t turn back now.” Gwen frowned. A moment passed as both mages thought furiously for a way that this arrangement would work.

“I have an idea.” Solona whispered, “What if I accompanied you to your training sessions? It would be beneficial to me if I also picked up a few fighting tricks, and that way there’s no inappropriate one on one time. Is that okay with you?”

Gwen’s heart jumped. “I may have just met you last week, but I already love you dearly.” She squeezed Solona’s hand tightly before swinging around to face the templar behind them.

He looked uncomfortable, standing awkwardly in the hallway, waiting for their huddle to end. Gwen held in a laugh. She needed to get this proposal right.

“My friend here has graciously offered her presence at my training sessions as a chaperone. This way we wouldn’t be alone, and there’d be no room for any sort of temptations.” Gwen smiled proudly. “Does this satisfy your duties as a templar?”

“Let me think for a moment.” Cullen bit his lip, and furrowed his brow.

Gwen and Solona couldn’t tell at all what the man was thinking. After what felt like an eternity, his face cleared up.

“Fine. I will help you because this should help with your magical studies, and because I swore on oath to the Maker that I would help people.”

“Oh Cullen! Thank you, thank you so much!” Gwen bounced on the balls of her feet smiling brightly. “See you tomorrow at dawn.”

Before she even really thought about it, she placed a light kiss on his cheek. His blush deepened a shade, but she didn’t see it. She was already down the corridor with Solona following close behind.

“I can’t believe you actually did that!” Solona exclaimed angrily as they reached a corner out of sight from Cullen.

“What did I do now?” Gwen asked distractedly.

“Kiss him! I thought you had no feelings?”

“What? No, I don’t. I didn’t even think about it. I was just so excited, and growing up my family always kissed each other on the cheek …” Gwen trailed off awkwardly as Solona’s brow raised itself a notch higher.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more reserved. That was entirely inappropriate.”

Solona’s shoulders relaxed, and she wrapped an arm around Gwen. “I just hope he’s in the gardens tomorrow morning after that display.”

“I hope so too.” Gwen muttered as they walked back to the library.

***

Gwen and Solona snuck out of the female dormitories as the sun slowly made its presence on the far horizon. Gwen had forgone her apprentice robes in favor of leather breeches and a loose linen shirt. It was something that she would have worn at her estate in Ostwick. Solona wore her normal apprentice robes.

Gwen’s heart rose in elation as she saw Cullen sitting on the garden wall watching the sun rise. She hadn’t royally messed up this opportunity, thank the Maker. She stepped on a twig as they entered the garden. Cullen swung around at the sound, hand on his hilt. He stood up quickly as they approached.

She smiled as he took in her outfit. He subconsciously rubbed his neck as his eyes trailed slowly over her form. “Like what you see?” Gwen joked quietly. Solona flicked her ear. Yes, she deserved that.

“Hmmm” Cullen’s eyes snapped up to hers, and he automatically held out the wooden sword.

“Thanks. ” Gwen twirled the wooden sword playfully in her hands.

“Morning Ser Rutherford.” Solona said quietly as she settled herself on the garden wall.

Cullen greeted Solona quietly before turning his attention to Gwen, who was still twirling the sword.

“What's the first lesson master swordsman?” she asked.

“First, I’ll ascertain how much you already know.” Cullen took a step back, and raised his sword. “I want you to strike me once.”

Gwen smiled, and bounced from one foot to another. She noted how Cullen was standing, and mimicked his stance. She took a deep breath, and lunged with all her might. The wooden sword flew into the dirt on her side. Gwen bit her lip and looked down at the sword.

“That could’ve gone better. Let’s go again.” Gwen said with determination as she picked up the sword, brushing off the dirt.

“Not so fast.” Cullen had a serious face on, “You can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t know what you did wrong.”

Gwen huffed. After all of her magical training, she had assumed that this part would come more easily to her.

“I like how you mimicked my stance, that gave you more power.” Cullen approached her, and began to circle around her. “Unfortunately, there is actually a wrong way to hold a sword. I was able to easily knock the sword out of your hand because your wrist gave way.”

Cullen stepped in front of her, and gestured to her hand “May I?” Gwen nodded silently. He took a hold of her hand and readjusted her grip. Gwen tried to pay attention, and ignore how large and calloused his hands were. She promised Solona, no feelings, even if he was really handsome.

“Now you should have the optimal grip for a basic one hit swing.” Cullen stepped back and looked at her figure. He nodded to himself, before a tiny little smirk appeared on his lips. “Care to try again?”

Gwen didn’t respond, instead she swung the sword, minding her grip, as hard as she could. A metal clang surprised her. Cullen’s sword met hers, and he pushed her back a few steps.

“Good!” Cullen smiled. “Again.”

Gwen practiced the basics with Cullen until the sun hit the first window on the circle tower. Her curly hair had stray flyaways, and sweat glistened under her brow when they finally stopped.

“Thank you for teaching me.” Gwen said, while gasping for air.

“It was my pleasure.” Cullen didn’t look out of sorts at all. It was clear to Gwen that she had need of a lot of practice to get into better shape, and eventually maybe defeat him. Gwen handed him back the wooden sword.

“Could we do this again tomorrow?” Gwen asked hesitantly.

“I don’t see why not.” Cullen glanced up to look at the rising sun. “Have a good day Mage Trevelyan.”

Gwen watched him start to walk away towards the barracks. He had a nice figure even though it was covered in all that armour. Wait, she thought abruptly, did he just call me by my last name? “I thought I told you to call me Gwen!?” She called out with annoyance.

He didn’t stop walking, but Gwen thought she heard him chuckle slightly.

“Did he just laugh at me?” She asked, as Solona handed her a bottle of water.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.” Solona smiled mischievously at her, “I mean there’s a lot to laugh at.”

“Watch your tone.” Gwen laughed, shoving Solona away. The sun steadily rose as the two women happily made their way back into the tower.


	3. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka Cullen overthinks ALOT. 
> 
> I like to think of this chapter as right before the eye of the storm.

_ Dearest Brother,  _

_ I haven’t heard from you in a while. I hope everything is well. There are rumours that the blight may be returning. But I haven’t given them much credit since it is gossip Gerald who’s been spreading those tales. Your nephew turned 3 years old this week. We lit a candle for you during the festivities.  _

_ I expect a letter sooner than later. I should hope your duty to the Maker still extends to writing letters to supportive sisters.  _

_ Love, Mia _

Cullen chuckled underneath his breath. Mia certainly had a way of guilting him into returning a letter back. Those rumors were indeed troubling. Hopefully there was no truth behind them, but if Cullen had learned anything these past few years in his service, rumours almost always have a grain of truth. 

He twirled his quill absentmindedly. For the first time he had real news that would interest his sister. Instead of the normal reports of standing guard, standing guard in a new place, and filling out paperwork, Cullen could fill his letter with tales of a beautiful girl who he was training how to fight with a sword. He could write how he looked forward to the inevitable conversations he’d have with her in the hallways throughout the days. How they’d talk strategy on the battlefield, or the stories she’d share of her time in Ostwick. 

Yes, Mia would love to hear that. But if he told her that, Cullen knew that she’d have prying questions. Leading the ultimate question, is this mage worth leaving the Order of the Templars? Cullen knew that was a terrible idea, and he didn’t want to face that question. So he didn’t write any of those things. 

Instead Cullen wrote about the weather, and reassured her that the rumours were probably false. The letter was terribly dull even to his writing standards. 

Today Cullen was stationed to guard the entryway at the bottom of the tower. No mages came down there. It felt like more of a technicality, than actual protection. It gave him time to sort his thoughts out without interruption. 

Gwenllian Trevelyan was a good student. She was enthusiastic about everything, and it was a little contagious. Cullen loved swordplay and hadn’t realized how much he’d missed sparring daily. He could only imagine how talented of a mage Gwen must be if she gave her magical studies the same dedication. 

Much to his chagrin, Cullen had only grown more attracted to her as he got to know her better. She challenged him in all the right ways. However these budding feelings were very against the code of templars. It was especially wrong to dwell on these feelings since she was in his charge. 

Cullen was deep in his thoughts, and didn’t see the person who occupied his mind so frequently approach him.

“Sleeping on duty?” a soft whisper interrupted his thoughts. 

Cullen raised his head abruptly, and stared at Gwen with slightly wild eyes. “How long have you been standing there?”

Gwen laughed leaning back against the cool stones. “Long enough to enjoy the view.” 

Cullen rolled his eyes, yet he couldn’t help but self consciously rub his neck. She certainly liked to tease him. She was especially more flirtatious when her friend wasn’t around. “You shouldn’t be down here.”

“Neither should you. It took me ages to find you.” Gwen sighed, resting her head against the wall. “I’m positively tired.”

“We are on a rotation.” Cullen explained as he straightened his armour. “Why were you looking for me?”

He watched Gwen pull out a letter from the folds of her robes. He ignored the fleeting thought of pressing her up against the wall, and kissing her senseless. She waved the letter happily in the air. 

“It finally arrived.” She said in a sing-song voice. 

“The Knight Enchanters’ response?” 

“Yes! They were impressed with my credentials, and offered me a place in their chantry. I leave in a week.”

“Oh” Cullen was at a loss for words. She was leaving the circle that soon. But he hadn’t sorted through all these feelings yet. Another, much smaller, part of his mind whispered that this was a good thing; he didn’t need to sort through any feelings.

“Don’t sound so disappointed.” Gwen teased, “We can still practice swordplay for the next few days. I know you’ve missed it.”

“You’re not wrong.” Cullen said softly as he bowed his head slightly. 

“There is this one tiny thing that might prevent me from joining them at the chantry.” Gwen admitted.

Cullen looked up at Gwen with a slightly confused face. Did she feel the same as he did? Stop it, he thought quickly, he didn’t even understand all the feelings he was having, and he shouldn’t want her to feel the same. It was wrong, and he shouldn’t be the reason that she gave up her dreams of Knight Enchanting. He was so involved in his spiraling thoughts that he almost missed what she said next. 

“I have to go through my harrowing before I can officially leave the circle. It’s one of their essential rules or something.” Gwen shrugged. “So, my harrowing has been scheduled to happen before the end of the week.”

Cullen snapped back to reality. Of course she wasn’t thinking like he was. That would be preposterous. All of her teases and flirts were a part of her personality. It wasn’t personal to her. That thought made Cullen’s heart ache, but he knew that it was true. 

“The Harrowing is a difficult challenge,” Cullen said thoughtfully. “I’ve seen mages die during the process. Are you sure you’re ready?”

Gwen’s eyes glinted in the torch light with a fierceness Cullen only saw in the gardens. “Yes. I’ve been training my entire life for this.”

Cullen nodded solemnly. He understood that mentality well. 

“Besides, Solona is going through her harrowing in two days.” Gwen said playfully, lightening the mood. “I have to keep up with her.”

“Thank you for the update. Was there any other reason you needed to speak with me?” Cullen asked stiffly as he glanced down the hallway. 

“Actually yes, I wondered if you’d be observing the harrowing? I’d feel better having someone in my corner during the process.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow. It was clear that Gwen had never seen a harrowing. She probably didn’t know that the templars observing the event were responsible for striking down a mage that turned into an abomination. She didn’t know what she was asking. But Cullen understood her intent. 

He grimaced slightly. “I will see what I can do.”

Gwen paused for a moment. It seemed that she’d finally picked up on the fact that Cullen was uncomfortable. 

“Thank you,” she said softly. She raised her hand slightly as if to reach out, but ultimately decided not to. “I’ll see you tomorrow at dawn.” Gwen smiled hopefully up at him, and left as quietly as she came. 

Cullen watched her leave. Once she was out of sight, he slumped against the wall. 

“Snap out of it Rutherford.” he said quietly to himself. “You’re better than this.” 

***

_ Dear Mia,  _

_ I wasn’t completely honest in my last letter. I feel that I need some sisterly advice.  _

_ There’s this woman in town that has caught my attention. Before you get too excited that I’ve finally shown some interest in romance, this feels more like one of your tragedy plays than those romance ones.  _

_ She is beautiful, and compelling. She teases me relentlessly. I don’t fully understand what all my feelings are for her. But they are strong. I blush all the time. You know how much I hate how easily I blush.  _

_ However, I have only been in Maker’s service for two years. That’s hardly any time. I want to be the best templar I can, and romance is complicated, confusing and frankly a distraction. I can’t leave my post to chase after a woman, especially when I don’t know if she’s begun to feel the same.  _

_ Mia, I feel that I’m at a crossroads. She told me today that she is leaving town at the end of the week. I know that this is for the best. It was never meant to be anything between us. But my heart aches, and I don’t know why.  _

_ I feel foolish for asking, but how do I stop my heart from aching? I swore an oath that I would serve my Maker faithfully, but how can I be satisfied with my job, when I keep thinking what if? _

_ Your loving brother, Cullen _

He sent the letter without rereading it. He feared that if he looked at the letter again, he’d throw it away. He needed to tell someone, even if he lied about where he met Gwen. He had never been wise in the ways of love and heartbreak. Even though this situation was one sided, and doomed before anything even began, he needed closure. If anyone knew how to achieve that, it was Mia. 

Cullen was surprised to receive a response the very next day. As he returned from his morning spar with Gwen, the inconspicuous letter sat by his pillow taunting him. 

He sat on the featherbed with a heavy sigh. He leaned his sword against the bedside table. Two beds down from him, another templar snored loudly. Cullen picked up the letter, and twirled it between his fingers. Minutes passed quicker than Cullen would have liked to admit.

“You aren’t afraid of a letter.” he finally growled under his breath, and ripped off the wax seal. 

_ Dear Cullen,  _

_ Thank you for being honest. I have missed our frank conversations. First, I want you to know that I love you, and I think you are becoming a wonderful man. I am proud of you and your service as a templar.  _

_ Now, I have to admit I am curious to meet the woman that’s caught your eye. She must be special, however I’m sorry that this situation is causing your first heartbreak. I don’t know the full situation (I feel like you have omitted something important!) but I will take a stab at some sage advice.  _

_ Your heart will ache, and that is natural. It means that you feel deeply, and one day you will make a lovely husband.  _

Cullen snorted as he read. Of course she’d think about his marriage prospects. She was just hungry for more little ones running around the family homestead. 

_ I think the best way to resolve the what if question is to act. I know it’s not advised, but templars sometimes can get approval to have families while faithfully serving. It’s not ideal because you wouldn’t live in town with her, but it is possible to have a relationship. If she’s as special as you’re making her out to be, then I’d suggest telling her how you feel. If your cards are all out on the table, then she’s able to have a fair choice as well. No matter what her answer is, you won’t have to be distracted anymore with the what ifs running around your head.  _

_ That’s all I can advise. Don’t leave me in suspense about what happens next. I will hunt you down if you don’t write to me about this woman again.  _

_ Love, Mia _

Cullen leaned back into his pillow, and sighed. Of course Mia was right, if only Gwen was a villager. A relationship with a mage was an entirely different story. He’d be accused of fraternization, and  leniency was far and inbetween. 

No matter what decision he’d make, action or inaction, Cullen knew he was quickly running out of time. 


	4. The Harrowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen makes up his mind, and Gwen is bombarded on all fronts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boiiiii ... this chapter is jam packed with emotions! (TW: there's a tiny bit of violence)

Gwen paced the entryway. She was furious that she had been barred from viewing Solona’s harrowing. She’d heard horror stories about what happened in the harrowing chamber. She’d be lying if she wasn’t a little bit afraid of her own harrowing. That’s why she’d asked Cullen to attend hers. 

The doors slowly swung open, and the First Enchanter along with a group of templars exited the room. The First Enchanter nodded solemnly at Gwen as he passed, but she ignored him. Instead she stood on her tippy toes, trying to get a glance of Solona and the chamber. She couldn’t see anything.

“Drat!” she exclaimed under her breath. Solona must’ve not survived. Gwen rested her hand on her forehead and stared widely at the ground. 

“Looking for me?” Solona asked kindly, surprising Gwen.

She spun around and grabbed her friend into a tight hug. “I thought you were gone!”

Solona laughed into her shoulder, “O ye of little faith.”

Gwen stepped back, and looked at her friend. She looked tired, there were little shadows underneath her eyes, but there she was smiling. Everything was fine. All that worrying last night was all for naught. 

Cullen coughed, alerting the mages that he was still present. “That was the quickest harrowing I’ve ever witnessed Mage Amell. I’m very impressed.” He smiled proudly. 

“Thank you Ser Rutherford.” Solona smiled brightly. “That means a lot coming from you. I actually used the dodging technique that you taught Gwen.”

“Oh fantastic! I’m glad that it worked in a practical setting.” Cullen blushed slightly. 

Gwen frowned at the interaction. She wasn’t jealous. She was just feeling … put out?

“ _ Anyways, _ I’m going to have to steal my friend back.” Gwen smiled tightly at Cullen, “As promised, I have “found” us some of those fantastic tiny little cakes. They are waiting back in the dormitories.”

“Oooh little cakes!” Solona gasped, “Let’s go!”

Gwen took Solona’s hand, and they began to head down the hallway.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Cullen called out. 

She glanced back to see his puzzled face, “That’s the plan, unless we pass out from a cake celebration.”

Solona laughed happily. “Goodbye!” 

***

Gwen knelt in front of the chantry alter. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. 

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.” she whispered. She had learned how to pray from her mother. Her faith was something that was generally kept to herself. 

“Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.” she continued with reverence. Praying gave her peace, and strengthened her resolve. She knew that some mages felt that the chantry was an enemy to magic wielders, but she always thought of her mother’s kindness when Gwen entered any Chantry. That memory outweighed any doubts she had about the politics of the religion. 

“Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. In their blood the  Maker 's will is written.” Gwen finished her prayer. She let out a deep breath. The candles flickered around her. Today marked the 10th anniversary of when she left her home for the Ostwick circle. 

“Andraste, bless my mother with comfort today.” Gwen whispered up to the stone statue of the beloved prophet. 

She stood up, and brushed the dust off her knees. She gave the altar one last long look, before turning towards the exit. She bumped into a templar on her way out. 

“Sorry” she murmured.

“I didn’t know that you were religious.” The voice caught her off guard. She whipped around to see Cullen standing in the chantry. She felt like a deer trapped against a cliff. This wasn’t something she was ready to share. 

Gwen composed herself quickly, and tried hard to be her normal carefree self. “It’s not something that I’d broadcast to all of Thedas, but it’s an important part of me.” 

She shrugged self consciously, and left in a hurry before he could say anything else. She climbed up the circular stairs two at a time. When she reached the dormitories, Gwen went straight for her bed. She didn’t want to deal with anyone else today. She felt so  _ seen _ when Cullen entered the chambers. The whole experience just left her feeling unsettled, and confused. 

A hand gently touched her hair, waking her up from a nap she didn’t realize she had begun. 

“Gwen” Solona whispered gently, “Do you have a minute?”

Gwen sat up bleary eyed, and leaned against her headboard. “For you, of course.” She patted the edge of her bed invitingly.

Solona sat down, and played with Gwen’s blanket nervously. “I have news that is both good and bad.”

“Give me the good first.” Gwen laughed nervously, “I’ve already had a weird day.”

“I’ve been given an assignment outside of the tower because of that whole situation with my friend who succumbed to blood magic.”

Gwen nodded. That had been an ordeal for her friend these past few days. “What’s the position?”

“Gray Warden.” Solona smiled softly

Gwen raised her eyebrows. That was a noble profession. One of the highest ranks a mage could be at this time. It was also one of the few jobs that allowed a certain level of freedom they didn’t get in the tower. 

“I am so proud of you. That is an amazing opportunity.” she said brimming with pride, however Gwen’s smile dimmed when she saw that Solona didn’t look as thrilled. 

“It is, and I am grateful. I just wish it was in better circumstances. The reason they need me is because a large group of darkspawn has been spotted. I fear another blight might be coming.” Solona said seriously, her tone had grown quieter as she finished her sentence. Probably so the younger mages didn’t overhear. 

Gwen nodded, not sure what to say. That was grim news indeed. It would certainly affect how her training went with the Knight Enchanters.

“When do you leave?” Gwen finally said. 

“Tonight.” Solona smiled sadly. “Honestly, in a few hours. I didn’t have much notice.” She stood up, and straightened her robes. “I’m glad I was able to meet you, and leave you with a proper goodbye.”

Gwen stood up, and hugged Solona tightly. “I will miss you. Please be safe and write to me when you can.”

Solona nodded. “Good luck with your harrowing tomorrow. I’m sorry I won’t have any tiny cakes awaiting your completion.”

Gwen laughed, “That’s alright. I have some extra.”

***

The sun hid behind clouds on the morning of Gwen’s harrowing day. It was cold and gloomy. Every now and then a few droplets of rain would fall from the sky. Gwen trudged to the gardens, unsure if Cullen would even be there. She tugged her light cloak tightly around herself. 

When she entered the gardens she was surprised to see that Cullen was pacing. She narrowed her eyes, and watched him for a moment. It appeared that he was talking to himself.

“Hello” she called out, snapping him out of whatever funk he was in. “I didn’t think you’d show, you know, since Solona is gone.” 

Cullen looked surprised. “She’s gone?” 

“Did no one tell the handsome templar that his favorite harrowing mage has left to become a gray warden?” Immediately Gwen knew that was too bitter. She needed to get herself in order. This was no way to behave. 

She sighed. “Sorry that was uncalled for. I just miss her, that’s all.” Gwen sat down on the garden wall. 

Cullen looked around the garden before he joined her on the garden wall. “I was on leave last night, hence the trip to the chantry chambers.” He shrugged. “No one thought to tell me of her departure because no one knows that I talked to her any more than any other mage.”

Gwen nodded quietly, “That makes sense.” 

Honestly, Gwen had been anxious all morning. Her harrowing was looming over her, and the potential of another blight frightened her. That wasn’t part of her life plans, and she didn’t want to add that horrific event into her life story. 

The man beside her breathed in deeply. His quiet presence beside her grounded Gwen. He was a good man. Gwen’s fears slowly ebbed away in favor for a soft peaceful feeling. 

“This is our last morning together.” she finally said, turning to face him, “Are you still coming to my harrowing tonight?”

Cullen nodded, his eyes flickered to her lips. Was he thinking about kissing her? Gwen thought in surprise. She didn’t know what to think about that idea. 

“Yes, I will be there.”

“Great!” Gwen stood up, giving them some space. There was no need to make this morning more complicated. “Let’s make this practice worth the rule breaking.”

Cullen rolled his eyes as he stood up. He tossed her the wooden sword. He took a few steps back, eyeing her stance, before he said, “Let’s see who will win a match.”

“Is that a challenge?” Gwen raised an eyebrow, her heart racing against her chest. 

Cullen lunged. She hopped backwards, dodging the blow. Gwen laughed loudly. She felt free for the first time since she ran into him in the chantry, and found out about the blight. 

They fought hard for twenty minutes. It became like a dance to Gwen. Their swords would clash, and someone would dodge a blow. Gwen did her best to evade his attacks, and throw a few of her own into the mix. But something was different about Cullen this morning. 

He wasn’t pulling away, but leaning into the fight. He’d chuckle with an annoying smirk when she’d mess up an attack. He seemed freer, like something had been let off his chest. His blonde hair had become messy, a few curls bounced in his face. She couldn’t help but note that he was extremely handsome when he let go. 

Gwen stumbled backwards, throwing her sword out in front of her to block Cullen’s advances. Suddenly her back hit the cool stones of the tower wall. She looked wildly around for an exit as Cullen charged towards her, but she was trapped. He pressed the flat side of his blade against her own sword, pushing the wooden sword into her collar bone. His left hand rested against the stone above her head, caging her in. 

“Gotcha!” He smiled fiercely.

Breathing heavily, Gwen dropped her sword, and slowly raised her hands up in surrender. “That was hardly a fair fight, handsome.”

Cullen blinked twice when she called him handsome. There was a moment where they both breathed heavily taking in how close the two of them were. 

There was a clang as Cullen’s sword fell onto the bricks beneath them. In a whirlwind of moments, Cullen grabbed Gwen’s neck and waist, and pressed his lips fiercely against hers. His body pressed hers up against the wall, lips moving roughly against hers. 

Meanwhile, Gwen’s thoughts had short circuited. This wasn’t on her plans for the day, but maker’s breath, he was a good kisser. She raised her hand to pull him in closer, but then fearful thoughts entered her mind; this was all wrong, this shouldn’t be happening. 

Gwen shoved Cullen off of her. “What was that?” she exclaimed. She raised a finger to touch her tender lips. 

“I … uh …I thought ...” Cullen was still breathing heavily. His eyebrows creased together in confusion as he tried to spit out a coherent sentence. 

“What were you thinking??” Gwen groaned, throwing her hands into the air. “I leave tomorrow morning.”

“I know … I just … wanted no regrets” Cullen tried to step closer to her. But Gwen took a step away from him.

“Maker’s breath Cullen! I didn’t need to know you were a good kisser or have this … this complication. My harrowing is tonight!” Gwen raised her hand to her mouth in fear and looked away. The realization that she may die tonight settled into her stomach. 

“I might die tonight.” She whispered. “And you may be the one who has to strike me down.” She stared at Cullen, eyes wide. 

He grimaced in pain. “You know I couldn’t do that.”

“That’s the point! You .. you weren’t supposed to take me seriously. Andraste, what have I done?” Gwen groaned as she held herself tightly. Her thoughts were spiraling back into a negative space. 

“I’m sorry.” Cullen reached out to her, “This is all my fau-”

Gwen cut him off. “I need some space.” She turned away, afraid to see his heartbroken expression. She ran inside the tower without another look. 

***

The rest of Gwen’s day was a mush of emotions, and endless boring magic classes. She avoided a certain hallway because of that confusing templar of hers, and she didn’t dare enter the chantry again. The fact that she’d made it into the harrowing chamber without self combustion was a miracle in her mind. She stood in the center of a circle of templars. The First Enchanter was telling her something about the importance or duty of magic holders in Thedas. But she wasn’t listening. 

She had trained for this her entire life, Gwen reminded herself. Everything was going to be fine. Solona had managed her harrowing with wicked precision, therefore she would too. At least that’s what she hoped would happen. 

Gwen cast her eyes around the room, trying to even out her breaths. Unfortunately, she met eyes with a certain brown eyed templar. Cullen looked earnestly at her, as if he was trying to read her mind. Well, that certainly didn’t help. 

She wasn’t sure why all of sudden she’d gotten so nervous about the harrowing. She’d been nonchalant about the prospect a month ago. Perhaps it was a few nightmares she’d had recently about her father, or maybe she was just really worried that after all these years of preparation she’d fail. 

A small voice in the distance asked her a question. 

“Huh?” Gwen asked, startled out of her thoughts. A random templar to her left chuckled. 

“I said, are you ready to begin the harrowing Gwenllian?” the First Enchanter repeated with a slight frown.

“Ah yes!” Gwen exclaimed with embarrassment, a slight tinge of red creeped onto her cheeks. She never blushed. Why was she blushing? 

The First Enchanter nodded grimly. He pulled out a special potion of lyrium out of his robes. He handed the potion to Gwen, who took it gingerly. “Good luck my child.” he said sincerely. 

The potion was cool against her finger tips. She popped off the cork. As it flew through the air Gwen followed it’s trajectory, watching it roll into a templar’s boot. She raised her eyes from the templar’s boot to meet Cullen’s steady gaze. She hoped she didn’t look as scared as she felt. He looked like he believed in her, so that must count for something. She took a deep breath, and downed the lyrium potion in one gulp. 

***

Waves crashed gently against the sandbank. The sun sat heavily on the horizon, bursts of burnt orange fought against the oncoming dusk. All was calm as Gwen walked parallel with the ocean, frothy warm water touched her bare toes. 

Gwen’s heart fluttered with happiness. It was good to be home. She was glad that she’d been allowed to visit her family after she completed her harrowing. She wandered up the beach path, lazily touching the tall grass. 

A sudden wind blew her hair into her face. She sputtered in shock as she got a few strands of hair stuck in her mouth. It was then that she remembered that there should be a sense of urgency. There was something that she needed to do. 

What was that again? She thought for a second. 

“Oh right!” she exclaimed to a bird who was perched to her left. “It’s time for dinner.”

She quickened her step, and made the climb up to the towering estate on the hill. She didn’t see any of the usual servants on her way to her family's dinner hall. That was a little weird, but not completely unheard of. 

She could smell the food before she could see it. It reminded her of her favorite meal growing up. Gwen opened the large doors, and saw her father sitting at the end of the dining table laden with all of her favorite foods. 

“Gwenllian” he exclaimed happily, standing up. “Welcome home!” 

“Thank you papa. I’m so happy to be back.” Gwen began walking around the table. 

“I’m so proud of your successes at the Circle. Let’s hear some of your adventures.” he smiled brightly, raising his arms in preparation for a hug.

Gwen’s heart swelled. He  _ had  _ read the letters she’d sent. She stepped into her father’s embrace. As she was about to close her eyes and breathe in the tender moment, a thought burst into her mind. 

“Why did you never respond to my letters?” she blurted out, stepping back, cocking her head to one side. She studied the quick emotions that fluttered across her father’s face.

Her father settled on a sheepish expression. “I figured your mother’s responses were enough. You know how awkward my letters are.”

Gwen nodded slowly, but she still felt unsettled. Didn’t her mother mention that her father didn’t approve of their correspondences? 

“Where is mother anyways?” Gwen glanced around the empty room. 

“Gwenllian, she’s been right here the whole time.” 

A knot tightened in Gwen’s stomach as she turned to look at her father, who had his arm around her mother. Her mother had a submissive expression, blankly smiling at Gwen. 

“What did you do to mother?” She asked slowly, beginning to feel nauseous. A thought began to pull against her mind. 

Her father cocked his head in confusion. “Nothing. Aren’t you happy to see your parents after all this time?”

“I am. I honestly never thought this day would come.” Gwen paused thoughtfully, the nagging thought finally settled. A dark peace settled in her stomach. She knew what was going on.

“But I don’t think that day has come. Mother, please step away from that man. He’s not your husband.”

Her father grinned widely, so widely that his skin began to fall away. Gwen watched in horror as her father turned into a floating desire demon. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done such a childish desire.” The demon cackled “The approval of a distant father? Please.” It scoffed with disdain. 

Gwen felt anger boiling up inside her. This demon knew nothing about her, and yet it chose to mock her and her poor mother who was standing so helplessly beside the demon. 

“I see” the demon narrowed their eyes, as if it could read her intentions. 

“Let go of my mom.” Gwen growled. 

“Let me have your soul, and she can be as free as a lark.” The demon’s voice felt melodic, and enticing. It could be that simple, Gwen thought dazed for a moment. 

No! A thought pushed itself to the forefront of her mind. Why couldn’t she and her mother both be free?

She felt her magic flow through her veins as she flicked her wrist towards the demon. A shard of ice flew towards it, missing its heart by a few centimeters. The demon cackled, pulling the ice out of it’s voluptuous chest, without even a wince. 

“Is that the best you can do?”

Gwen started hurling ice, and fire as fast as she could. She fashioned her elemental attacks into sharp dagger-like objects that she could whip quickly around. 

She dodged a blow from the demon, as she ran to protect her mother, who was still standing so helplessly. When out of nowhere, the demon appeared behind her mother. A single claw pierced through her gentle mother’s chest. 

Gwen screamed in agony as she watched as the thick blood quickly blossomed onto her mother’s chest. Gwen lunged at the demon in a blind fury, fire flickering all around her. 

“How dare you!” She punctuated every word with an attack. The demon quickly backed away in sudden fear. The demon clearly hadn’t expected the pure rage echoing through Gwen’s soul. 

Gwen raised her arms, and threw a large fireball at the demon. The heat ripped through the demon’s form, tearing it to shreds. However, the fire reverberated off the stone wall, and threw Gwen back against the heavy wooden table. 

The last thing Gwen saw before she blacked out was her mother’s dead body being eaten up by her own flames. 

***

“Congratulations Mage Trevelyan. You successfully passed your harrowing.” 

Gwen blinked blearily up at the First Enchanter who loomed over her. She had been laying on the ground in a fetal position when she first awoke from her lyrium induced coma. 

“I’m sure you are exhausted. Ser Rutherford will escort you to your dormitory. Good luck at the order of the Knight Enchanters.” The First Enchanter said briskly.

Gwen nodded, and watched from the floor as the templars and First Enchanter filed out of the chamber silently. She felt like death. She laid back down on the cool stone floor and sighed. 

Cullen kneeled down beside her. “Are you alright?”

Gwen laughed tiredly at the ceiling, “Am I alright?” She sat up, and held her knees close to her chest. “I watched my mother die, and I thought it was real. It  _ felt _ so real.”

Cullen gingerly took her hand into his own. “But it wasn’t. I am certain your mother is safe, and asleep in a soft bed somewhere in the Free Marches.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” But she hadn’t saved her mother, and that fact still ate into her soul. 

The kind templar who’d she had rejected earlier today helped her up from the ground. All of that awkwardness she had felt from that morning melted away. Even though she still felt awful about what had happened in the fade, she was glad she still had Cullen on her side. 

They walked quietly out of the room together. They walked close to each other, hands brushing against each other with every step.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what type of demon did you face?” Cullen asked curiously.

“A desire demon.” Gwen chuckled at Cullen’s embarrassed expression. “Sadly, it wasn’t anything sexy. Apparently, the thing I most desire in this world is the approval of my father.” she shrugged. 

Cullen nodded, “That explains your rejection towards me earlier.”

Gwen stopped dead in her tracks. “Was that your failed attempt at a joke?” she asked flabbergasted.

He chuckled, and kept walking. “I’m glad you came out in one piece.” 

“So am I.” Gwen caught up with him, and matched his pace. “The fade was nothing like what I expected. At first it was so peaceful. I wanted to stay there forever and then everything became so twisted. Thankfully I listened to my gut when something began to feel off.”

Cullen stopped at the door. This was her exit. 

“When do you leave?” he asked abruptly. 

“In the wee hours of the morning.” Gwen smiled wanly. She knew what Cullen was thinking. 

Cullen took a deep breath, and blurted out, “I’m terribly sorry for my behaviour this morning. It was inappropriate for me to kiss you without express permission. I had … I had wanted to explain myself first, but I got lost in our match… and you looked so beautiful.” 

Gwen smiled softly as he trailed off. He was a good man, and now that her harrowing was over she felt more at peace with herself. More willing to think about what it would be like to have a good man. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t developed more feelings for him than she’d originally expected. However the timing was dreadful. 

She cupped his cheek with one hand, and kissed him gently. His eyes fluttered shut with surprise. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was filled with emotion. Emotions Gwen wished she had the time to discover for herself and to express properly. 

“I forgive you.” She said softly, as she pulled away. 

Cullen looked as if he wanted to kiss her again, but he didn’t. “I will miss you.” 

“I know.” Gwen took his hand and kissed his palm. Her heart felt heavy, and she was still exhausted from her experience in the fade. 

“Goodbye, my sweet knight.” she whispered sadly. Gwen opened the door behind her, and left him without looking back. 


	5. The Tower Falls, as does Cullen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen faces his worst nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty for sure. Mentions of PTSD, and torture. This chapter spans the rest of DA:Origins and the entirety DA:2. If you feel like the descriptions of Cullen's transformations were a little vague, that was on purpose. This part of his journey will be covered with recollections, and possibly back flashes later in the story.

Cullen Rutherford had always been resilient. As a child, he bounced up from every skinned knee, got back on the horse when she bucked him off, and he never gave up on his dream of helping people even when many in his village said he’d never become a templar. 

He had taken a chance with Gwen. He followed his heart, instead of his mind. Did it go the way that he hoped? No. But was he heartbroken? He didn’t think so. But time would tell. 

She left, like she said she would, in the dead of the morning. That didn’t prevent Cullen from climbing onto the barracks roof to watch her go. He sat there for almost a half of an hour. When Gwen landed safely on the shore, Cullen let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

He stood up, and brushed the straw off of his trousers. The sun bursting into the day behind him. Cullen didn’t regret their kiss. There were very few things that he regretted. Somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach he knew that this wouldn’t be the last time he saw her. The future was still bright, and full of potential. 

“Until the next time, my lovely enchantress.” he whispered wistfully to her retreating frame. 

***

A month had passed since Gwenllian had left the tower of Kinloch, and to Cullen’s surprise, the world really hadn’t been the same since. The blight had returned, and was ravaging the countryside of Ferelden. Cullen lived in a constant state of underlying anxiety that he’d receive a letter saying that his family had all died. He desperately wanted to be out on the battlefield, helping the people of Ferelden. But his duty was still to protect the mages in his tower. And that was an important task, so Cullen stayed. 

One day, Cullen was patrolling near the library when he heard a large commotion from behind. He swung around, sword unsheathed, as he searched the large room for the enemy. He was blindsided as an abomination from his left struck him with a spell. 

He fell to the floor with a grunt. Cullen’s skin began to tingle strangely. The sensation strengthened quickly to feel like fire was licking Cullen’s skin. Oh how it burned! He tried with all his might to reach for his fallen sword, but a blackness clouded over his eyes. The last thing he saw was a purple filmy substance headed his way.

***

Cullen couldn’t breath. He  _ couldn’t _ breath. He scratched helplessly at his prison, physically drained. Everything he’d tried in an effort to escape had failed. Cullen didn’t know how long he’d been imprisoned. All he knew was that he’d watched with absolute terror as his friends, fellow templars, died in front of him by the hands of unchecked mages and demons, and he could do nothing. Absolutely nothing! 

And even though every breath was a struggle, he still hadn’t died yet. Why hadn’t he died yet? He wanted to die. 

“My sweet knight, what did they do to you?” a soft croone surprised him. He turned around and saw Gwen in a sheer white nightgown. She was absolutely stunning. 

Cullen gasped, finally able to breathe. He collapsed into her arms, holding her tight against him. 

“Yes” she crooned, “I will make you feel better. I can make you feel so good. Would you like that?”

Cullen looked up at Gwen in confusion, that wasn’t something she’d say. He noticed that her eyes weren’t green, but a dark purple. Why hadn’t he noticed that before?

“Begone foul demon!” He shouted in terror, as he scrambled to get as far away as he could from her in this infernal prison.

The desire demon laughed, but it didn’t let go of the glamour of Gwen. “Oooh this is  _ so  _ tasty, a templar lusting for a mage. Isn’t that delicious!”

Cullen shook his head frantically. His heart beat heavily against his chest.

“I can give you what you want.” The demon bit Gwen’s lip enticingly, raising the nightgown slowly to reveal more skin. 

“No!” Cullen shut his eyes before he saw anything else. “Stop! He yelled in desperation, “No, don’t touch me!”

***

“Ser Rutherford has been especially quiet since that night.” The Knight-Commander said in a low tone. “I’m not sure what you’ll get out of him. But feel free to talk to him.”

Solona nodded her thanks and turned back to her companions. Zevran and Alistar were quietly playing a game of cards. Solona smiled when she noticed that Zevran was totally cheating ... again. Lelianna smiled softly at her, and took her hand.

“What’s the news? How is the recovery of the tower?”

Solona let out a long breath. “There are still spirits lingering in the walls, and books. It’s definitely not fit for mages yet. But the templars here are hard at work making this place safe again. The circle’s support for the landsmeet is still intact, but they can’t offer any templars to aid us.” She shrugged.

Lelianna kissed Solona’s palm lightly, “We’ll find a way. We always do.”

“Thank you.” Solona would have liked to bask in her warm glow a little longer, but there was something she still had to do. 

“I have one more thing to do. I need to say hello to someone. Will you stay with Alistar and Zevran until I get back?”

“Of course love.”

Solona left them and climbed the stairs to the library. She found a few templars scattered around the aisles. They were casting disarming spells at various books. She spotted Cullen leaning over a desk covered with papers. 

He looked worn and ragged. Dark circles hugged his eyes, and a light blonde scruff peppered his face. His hands shook slightly as he sifted through papers.

“Hello” she said softly. Cullen startled easily when she approached. His eyes grew wide when he saw her. He quickly looked around her shoulder, as if someone should be with her. 

“I came alone.” Solona reassured him, “How are you holding up?”

Cullen stiffened, a myriad of emotions passed across his face. “I’m fine. I wish I was outside the tower helping people.”

Solona nodded. “Don’t worry. The blight will end soon. My friends and I have a plan.”

Cullen frowned, but didn’t say anything. 

“Are you sure you are fine?” Solona pressed softly, “It’s okay to admit that the night this tower fell was traumatic. I know it was for me. This has been my home for years, and I never expected to see it so ravaged when I returned.”

“The tower should be functional by the end of the month.” Cullen said stiffly. 

Solona felt so awkward. It was clear he didn’t want to talk to her. 

“Gwen told me in her last letter to say hello.” Solona offered, hoping that would open him up a little more.

However, Cullen immediately flinched when she said Gwen’s name. That was odd, and not a good sign. Her suspicions that a more sinister torture occurred in his prison felt more realistic. 

“Well, I best be going.” Solona said rather bluntly, unsure what else to do. 

“My parents are dead.” Cullen said out of the blue. “Died from a cluster of darkspawn in their village.”

Solona froze. “I’m so sorry” she whispered. 

“I want to be out  _ there _ \- helping innocent people, helping my family.” Cullen said fiercely, anger creeping into his voice. “Not stuck in here protecting ….  _ monsters _ .”

Solona took a step back. “You don’t mean that. You know me, I’m not a monster. Not all mages are bad.”

Cullen’s anger faltered for a moment. It was in that moment of hesitation that Solona recognized that Cullen was still grieving. 

“Leave me!” Cullen growled. “I don’t want to talk to another mage again. They should all be dead, not my family. ”

Solona bristled and left without another word. She briskly walked down the stairs, and headed straight to the Knight-Commander. 

“I spoke to Ser Rutherford. May I make a suggestion, if that isn’t too improper?”

“By all means. He was our best young templar, I don’t want to see him fall like this.”

“When the tower is complete, or whenever you are able to lose a soldier, send him away. He needs space from mage towers, especially this one.”

The Knight-Commander nodded. “Thank you, Gray Warden, for your input. I will look into other positions that he may be fit for.”

Solona joined her companions in the entry hall. A loud shout signaled that Alistar had lost again. She smiled to herself, she was glad that at least she still had a family of her own during these dark, dark times. 

***

_ Dear Cullen, _

_ It is not a good omen when a beloved sister has to track down your whereabouts. I can’t believe you moved to Kirkwall without even sending a forwarding address. Don’t I deserve more?  _

Cullen sighed, and put down the letter without reading it further. He didn’t need to be bereted, especially not today of all days. 

His investigation of the recruits had gone badly. Very badly. Killing a templar recruit who had been possessed by a demon was horrible. But then to be interrogated by Hawke and her friends about why he attacked first, and why must all mages be watched. It was tiresome. 

Cullen was always tired. Why did no one understand? Mages are not only a danger to others, but a danger to themselves. 

She wasn’t a danger. The forbidden thought stealthily entered his mind. 

“No,” he growled softly to himself, “But she made me weak, and vulnerable to attack.”

Cullen stuffed the letter from Mia into a random drawer in his desk, and hurried off to the gallows. He needed some fresh air. 

***

_ Dear Brother,  _

_ One letter in the last three years is pathetic, even for you. But I’m still elated that you finally responded. I’m so glad you are doing okay. Knight-Captain is an exciting new role! I wish I knew about your promotion when it happened. I could have sent an offering to the Maker that you had an extra good first year. _

_ I planted a few flowers around our parents’ grave yesterday. It should become a beautiful, peaceful place. When you come visit, we should visit their grave.  _

_ You’ve been gone for so long. I know duty to the order is important, but what of duty to your family? Is that not also important? When will you come home? Know you are missed and loved dearly.  _

_ Love, Mia _

Cullen honestly didn’t know when that would be. Knight-Commander Meredith had tightened her grip on the order. The revelation that blood mages had possessed most of the recruits a few years ago had really shook her. 

He placed the letter in the little box of personal effects that he kept underneath his bed. He headed out of the templar complex. It was his turn to guard the front gate. Cullen wasn’t surprised when he saw Hawke loitering by the entrance. 

“Hawke!” He greeted her warmly. Her and her friends had grown on him slightly over the years. “The new scion of the Amell family … Congratulations!”

He paused for a second as those words sunk in. “I knew an Amell once.” he said thoughtfully. 

Solona Amell had been a mage, but she also saved Ferelden. Mia had written  _ so _ many letters about the Hero of Ferelden. Somehow over the years, Cullen had reconciled those two facts. 

“She was a special woman.” He trailed off for a second… he had been quite rude to her the last they spoke. He sighed, trying to put that memory and any other memories of sword fighting lessons with another special woman aside. 

“Anyway, what can I do for you?” he smiled 

“Is there anything that I could help the templars with?” Hawke asked kindly. 

“You’re kind to offer. But with what happened three years ago, the Knight-Commander has closed ranks.” Cullen frowned slightly, “Our own men go through weekly questioning, and she’s eliminated all work from outsiders.” He shrugged helplessly, “It’s hard to keep recruitment up enough to maintain our numbers.”

“I keep hearing about the Knight-Commander. When do I get to meet her?” Hawke asked, her tone tinged with annoyance. That was understandable, for all the power Meredith wielded in the city, she rarely showed her face. 

“I’m afraid she’s become more reclusive since you came to Kirkwall, Hawke. Especially during these past few years she’s become very suspicious of outside influences. I almost wonder if something happened.”

“Thanks anyways.” Hawke smiled and left. 

Cullen watched as she joined her motley group; an elf with slave markings, a dwarf, and that mage from the undercity. He’d honestly been surprised at what Hawke had been able to achieve during her years in Kirkwall. It was impressive. 

And here he was, doing the same thing that he’d been doing the entire time. That truth made him a little restless. 

***

_ Dearest Cullen,  _

_ I’m so grateful that you survived that nasty qunari rebellion. Your letter gave me dreadful nightmares and flashbacks to our time during the blight. I hope you still are sleeping well because I haven’t.  _

_ Is it too much to ask for some more personal details in your next letter? Which better not be five years from now. Have you met anyone special in Kirkwall? Do you have any friends? Jokes that I’d find funny? Anything tidbit of information would suffice.  _

_ I miss you, Mia.  _

Had he met anyone special? In this cesspool of a city? Cullen grimaced at the thought. Romance had not been on his mind at all, not since - no, in fact he had ignored it completely. He hadn’t even visited the Blooming Rose, much to chagrin of some of his comrades who wished he’d relax a little. Lust just wasn’t for him, and love … well that wasn’t something he deserved.

“Knight-Captain! You need to come quickly. Meredith and Osrino are at it again.”

Cullen felt the dread, and stress levels dramatically increase in his body. He rushed out of the complex, and headed towards the fight. 

Meredith and Orsino stood head to head arguing in front of the steps. Hawke seemed to be in the middle of the debate. She always was present when something went wrong, Cullen thought wryly. 

As Cullen got to the last step when something unexpected happened. That mage, Cullen was pretty sure his name was Anders, interrupted the argument. 

“The Grand Cleric will not help you!”

“Explain yourself, Mage!” Meredith spit out with disdain. 

“I will not stand by, and let you treat all mages like criminals, while those who would lead us would bow to their templar jailers.”

Cullen felt the anxiety rush through his veins. This wasn’t like Kinloch. This  _ couldn’t _ be like Kinloch. 

“Anders, what have you done?” Hawke asked sternly, worry plastered all over her face. 

Cullen felt the rumble first. He turned and watched in absolute horror as the Chantry exploded with a burst of fire, and rubble. People were yelling, but it all felt distant, so very far away. Cullen tried to focus on his breathing. 

Meredith’s words brought him out of his spiraling thoughts. “As Knight-Commander of Kirkwall, I hereby invoke the Right of Annulment. Every mage in the circle is to be executed - immediately.” 

_ Executed? _ The thought froze Cullen. At one dark moment he had suggested the same thing. But this? This felt wrong in his gut. The Chantry was still on fire. There were people there that he could possibly save. 

But Cullen was afraid, and he stayed silent. Like the coward that he had become, he followed Meredith into the fray. 

***

_ Cullen,  _

_ Why won’t you write to me? You know that I’m always ready to listen, to the good and the bad. What happened is done. You couldn’t have known she was listening to the deranged whispers of some lost idol, the mage rebellion wasn’t your fault. _

Cullen stopped reading. His men had been cleaning up the mess in Kirkwall for a year since Meredith went bonkers. Mia didn’t know how he had stayed silent when Meredith issued the order. Mia didn’t know how long it took for him to side with Hawke. To be a good man first, and a templar second. She didn’t know of all the lives he had hurt, and the words that he had uttered. 

He picked up the other parchment that sat on his desk. The invitation from Lady Pentaghast to join something new, something different. 

Cullen drummed against the solid wood table with frustration. Joining the templars had never been about mages, but he’d become so warped from that boyhood desire to simply help people. His obsession and fear of mages, and the power they possessed, the power that they used against him had consumed him. When Cullen looked in his looking glass at night, he didn’t like who he saw. 

At one point in his life, he had almost no regrets. Now his memories were littered with them. The weight of his mistakes over the years felt like they would crush him, and bury him underneath the crushing waves of the Waking Sea. 

Cullen took a deep breath. It was time for something new. He had been so resilient as a child, why couldn’t he do the same now?

“Ser Flinnigan!” he barked at the door. 

“Knight-Commander?” the young templar peaked around the ajar door. 

“Please inform Lady Pentaghast that I will meet with her.”

“Yes ser!”

Cullen sat back into his chair. Let’s see what the woman had to say. He certainly had nothing left to lose. There was nothing left for him in Kirkwall. He looked out of his window and saw the sun setting, full of warm, inviting hues. For the first time in years, he felt like the unknown might not be such a bad thing.


	6. Fate Steals the Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen's path in life hadn't gone as she originally hoped. Little did she know that fate was about to change her life forever.

Smoke clouded Gwen’s view. Screams echoed all around her. The sky was red, blood red. Gwen could vaguely make out the shape of a soaring object in the sky. Was that a dragon? No that must be the archdemon everybody had been talking about. 

“Come on!” Maeve screamed, grabbing Gwen’s hand. “We need to help the others!”

The two Knight Enchanters ran into the midst of a fighting throng. Darkspawn were everywhere. Cut one down, and another burst through the ground a few minutes later. 

Gwen summoned her spirit sword, and began slashing through darkspawn. She summoned an elemental shield around herself as she pushed through to the front lines. 

“Wait for me!” 

Gwen swung around, looking wildly for her partner. But Maeve was nowhere to be seen. 

“Where are you?” Gwen shouted, easily blocking a blow from an enemy. 

The smoke slowly cleared, revealing an empty battlefield. Swords were scattered everywhere, but there were no signs of life. An explosion lit up the sky in the distance. The archdemon must have been defeated. Gwen turned around, and saw Maeve kneeling on the ground. 

“Maeve?” Gwen said hesitantly, her throat felt scratchy.

Gwen approached the knight enchanter slowly. Dread creeping up her spine. As she crept closer, she saw the sword pierced through Maeve’s chest. Dark clots of blood oozed out of her wound. Gwen let out a strangled sob. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The world began to spin around her. She fell to the ground, hacking bile onto her armour. 

“How could you leave me?” A soft voice echoed across the empty battlefield. 

Gwen raised her tired head to see Maeve sitting up, her head tilted to one side. Her eyes were glazed over. She was still dead, but the voice definitely came from her. 

“How?” Gwen asked, afraid to reach out to her friend. 

“I died alone. Where were you?”

“I … I was up front fighting?”

“No, you left me to die!” Maeve’s cold body lunged at Gwen. It pushed Gwen off a cliff. The sound of wind whipped against Gwen’s ears as she plunged to her death. 

“Help!! Maker help me!” Gwen shouted with all her might.

Gwen sat up in a cold sweat, furs tangled around her legs. She sighed heavily, and counted to three. Over the past 10 years she still hadn’t gotten used to the night terrors that had followed her off of the battlefields.

Gwen stood up and stretched. Her fingertips brushed the cloth of her tent. Another mage from the circle snored loudly from the other side of the tent. Gwen smiled softly. There was no need for a racing heartbeat. She was safe here. 

She knelt down on the floor and quietly opened her traveling trunk. She rummaged through her clothes, and found the small box that she was looking for. She pulled it out, and held it close to her chest. Gwen crawled back into her cot, and opened her box of treasured possessions. 

A dried flower sat on top of a package of thick letters that were carefully tied together with a ribbon. Gwen picked up the dried flower. She pressed it against her lips.

“She shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the fade.” Gwen whispered against the flower, thinking tenderly of her fallen knight enchanter. 

“For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker’s light, and nothing that He has wrought will be lost.”

Gwen kissed the flower gently, and laid it down on her pillow. She had to believe that Maeve was in a better place. If she didn’t believe that, the guilt would certainly drown Gwen. Trainees were supposed to stay together. They were supposed to stay together. Gwen closed her eyes tightly, shutting out the nightmarish images. 

She untied the package of letters, many of which were from her friend, the infamous Hero of Ferelden. Gwen still couldn’t believe that she was privileged enough to call Solona a friend. It was an amazing feat to face the archdemon and come out of the fray untouched. Unlike herself, who came out of the fray a different woman. A battered, and eternally tired woman. 

“Focus.” Gwen growled quietly to herself. 

She thumbed through the letters. They were well worn and well loved. The first few letters were wartime reports from Solona with very few tidbits of personal information. Gwen’s favorite letter from that time period was the one where Solona confessed that she’d fallen in love with a beautiful chantry sister. It had been such a cute read. Gwen’s least favorite was when Solona described what happened to Kinloch hold, and how Gwen’s favorite templar had handled the stress. The last letter in her little packet was addressed to Cullen, but she never built up the guts to send it. So it sat there inconspicuously, in the back, reminding her of a simpler time. 

These letters grounded Gwen. They were her past, and her future. They reminded her of what she had been, what she had become, and why she was where she was now. 

Gwen tucked the packet of letters and the dried flower away into her little box of precious things. She wrapped herself in her furs, and closed her eyes. Sleep took over her quickly, and thankfully she didn’t dream of anything. 

***

The harsh sun glared in Gwen’s eyes. They had been traveling for hours without rest. She gently held the reins to her horse, as she led the heavily burdened beast down a twisting mountain road. They expected to arrive at the conclave by nightfall. 

Gwen was stationed at the back of the caravan. As the only mage who’d seen active combat during the blight, she’d been ordered to protect the representatives from Ostwick’s circle. 

She had never expected to return to Ostwick the way she did. As a child, she believed that her life would be with the Knight Enchanters forever. When she received the note from her commander that she should retire from active duty prematurely, Gwen had been devastated. 

But at the same time, she wasn’t surprised. The burden of death lay heavily on her shoulders. It also didn’t help her case that she froze at a pivotal moment when a group of blood mages attacked a nearby chantry. She had been released with honor. Her commander even told Gwen kindly that whenever she resolved her mental block the Knight Enchanters would be happy to have her back at their side. 

Gwen kicked a rock, and watched it scatter carelessly down the mountainside. The sound echoed across the valley. A younger mage looked back at her curiously. Gwen smiled tightly and nodded. 

Her father wasn’t happy when she arrived at the family estate in Ostwick. All he could see was a failed mage. He couldn’t even see that she was still his daughter after all these years. Gwen’s mother tried her best to mend the broken bond, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually after a few weeks of awkward dinners, and tense moments, her mother asked that Gwen leave the estate. 

With nowhere left to go, Gwen slumped back to the Ostwick circle. Ambitions and passion scattered against the harsh Free Marches winds. Thankfully, the First Enchanter remembered his former bright student, and offered Gwen a job as a teacher. 

Her teaching position saved her life from spiraling into a deep depression. At the very bottom of her box of treasures lay all the notes students had given her. She loved her students. They had become her family when she had none. 

That reminded her, Gwen thought suddenly, she needed to write down detailed notes about the conclave. If these peace talks were pulled off, that would be such an exciting thing to tell her students. 

A horn blew in the distance, calling the caravan to a halt. They had arrived. The ancient building lay in front of them, perfectly balanced in the sky. Gwen helped her fellow mages set up camp. Tomorrow was going to be a historic day. 

***

“Magic is for the sole purpose of serving mankind. Mages must be controlled, or else their individualistic desires will get in the way!”

“That sort of rhetoric is why we are here today.”

Gwen sighed. It had been hours of yelling back and forth between the two parties. She sat in the back of a large circular room. Her parchment lay blank because so far no one had said anything worth reporting back to her students. Thankfully, no physical altercations had occurred. Though Gwen knew of at least one mage that had to leave the room so he wouldn’t explode with rage.

Divine Justinia had left the room, so technically what was currently being debated was not officially on the record. Thank the Maker. 

She got up from her seat, and left the room. Gwen needed to stretch her legs, and grab a drink from the kitchens. As she wandered the halls looking for the kitchen, she heard a loud shout. 

Immediately her combat training kicked into gear. She slowly approached the door where the sound had erupted from. She checked both exits for templars, before pushing the heavy doors open. 

There was chaos in the room. Wind, tinged with green, blew everywhere. In the center of the room Divine Justinia hung helplessly in the air. A strange monster shouted at Gwen. It seemed she had interrupted some sort of ritual. 

“I will not freeze,” Gwen thought sternly. Not when the Divine was at stake. A green orb bounced her way, and with quick reflexes Gwen snatched it out of the air. A searing pain went down her arm. 

Gwen screamed, and the world around her exploded. 

***

The stone floor was cold and damp. Gwen’s knees were especially sore from kneeling in this prison. Her head felt so fuzzy. She couldn’t remember anything. One moment she was sitting in the conclave listening to droning mages and templars, and then the next moment she had a blistering headache and was captured by soldiers. 

A searing pain erupted on her left hand. Gwen startled easily when a blinding green light burst from a new scar. 

“Ugnh” she moaned in pain.

The prison doors burst open, and two women entered the room. The one with short black hair approached Gwen angrily.

“ Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead.” The woman breathed heavily before pointing to Gwen. “Except for you.”

Gwen’s shoulders slumped in despair. This couldn’t be happening. She was supposed to keep her mages safe. 

“What do you mean everyone is dead?” she whispered, voice hoarse. 

“Explain this!” The woman angrily grabbed Gwen’s left hand. As she did, Gwen’s hand brust green again. 

“I … I can’t” Gwen said, gritting her teeth against the pain. She pulled her hand away from the woman, and held it gingerly to her chest. 

“What do you mean you can’t?”

Gwen huffed in annoyance. "I don’t know what that is or how it got there.” 

“You’re lying!” The woman moved to strike Gwen. Gwen refused to flinch. She might be a retired Knight Enchanter, but she still had grit. 

The other woman, shrouded in a purple cloak, stepped in front of the other woman. “We need her, Cassandra.”

“So much for being friends with the Hero of Ferelden.” Gwen muttered softly to herself. 

The shrouded woman gave her an odd look. But Gwen ignored it. She felt so frustrated and confused. She took a deep breath, and let her formal training take over. 

“So what happens now?” Gwen asked stoically. She needed more information if she was going to have any sort of leverage in this situation. 

“Do you remember what happened? How this all began?” The woman knelt in front of Gwen. Her eyes felt intense. Gwen noticed that a loose lock of bright red hair was trying to slip out of her hood. 

“I remember running.” Gwen admitted slowly. It hurt her head, trying to remember anything after the conclave. “Things were chasing me.” she said slowly, and then she remembered suddenly the bright figure before she blacked out. “And then there was a woman?”

“A woman?

Gwen nodded solemnly. “She reached out to me, but then I think I blacked out?”

“Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift.” Cassandra said abruptly. 

Leliana. That name sounded familiar, Gwen thought curiously. Lelianna nodded quietly, and left without another word. 

Cassandra still stood in the light of the doorway. She seemed to be studying Gwen. In an effort to appear strong, Gwen stuck her chin out, and raised an eyebrow. 

Cassandra’s lips twitched slightly. It almost seemed like she might have smiled. She grabbed a rope, and began to unshackle Gwen.

“What did happen?” Gwen asked, as she intently watched Cassandra quickly bind her hands with the rope.

“It will be easier to show you.” Cassandra pulled Gwen up to her feet. 

Gwen couldn’t argue with that logic. Anything to get out of this prison cell. 

***

Gwen felt dangerous. She’d destroyed demon after demon that had attacked her and Cassandra. Adrenaline rushed through her blood, and for the first time in years, she didn’t feel nauseous during active combat. It could be the fact that they were facing demons, not humans. Or it was her natural competitiveness that pushed her to prove herself in front of the fierce warrior in front of her. Either way, Gwen felt great. 

They began to climb a mountain staircase covered in snow. 

“We’re getting close to the rift.” Cassandra shouted, a little ahead of Gwen, “You can hear the fighting.”

“Who’s fighting?” Gwen asked. A broken, burning bridge stood in their way, blocking Gwen’s view. 

“You’ll see soon. We need to help them.” Cassandra said, taking the lead. She pushed rubble out of the way, and jumped off a small stone wall. 

Gwen followed her, and saw a few human soldiers fighting demons. She also noted that there was another mage, who was currently casting a complicated spell. A dwarf stood to the side, blasting demons with an impressively large crossbow. They seemed to be doing just fine without them, Gwen thought bemusedly. 

Then she saw the bright green scar against the sky. It pulsed angrily, and it seemed that the demons were sliding through it from inside the fade. 

The elven mage shouted to them, as he defeated the last of the current demons. “Quickly before more demons come through!”

He grabbed Gwen’s wrist, and held it up towards the rift in the sky. A loud crack echoed against the mountainside, and the rift closed. Gwen felt the mana drain out of her. She pulled back from the mage, and clutched her hand. It was hard to breath. 

“What did you do?” She glared at the mage.

“I did nothing. The credit is yours.”

Gwen frowned. It didn’t feel like it was hers. She wasn’t sure what to make of this new mage, even though he was being overly polite.

“You mean  this?” Gwen gestured at her left hand. 

The mage nodded solemnly. He gazed at her hand with an intent that made Gwen feel a little self conscious. 

“Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake and it seems I was correct.” 

Cassandra looked up at the huge breach in the sky. “Meaning it could also close the Breach itself?” she asked hopefully. 

“Possibly.” The mage said to Cassandra, he turned to Gwen and said “It seems that you hold the key to our salvation.”

Gwen took a step back. Fear began to creep up her spine. She didn’t need that sort of pressure. She had been doing so well in combat. It would be horrible if she froze now. 

“Good to know! Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever.” the dwarf said interrupted sarcastically. 

Gwen focused on the bemusing dwarf, and took a deep breath. She’d be fine, and hopefully she’d be back home with her students. 

“Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong” He approached her, and offered a hand. Varric winked at Cassandra, who only scowled. 

Gwen smiled at the interaction, and shook his hand firmly. Finally someone felt like giving a proper introduction. 

“Gwenllian Trevelyan. But you can call me Gwen.” Gwen pointed to his crossbow, “That’s a nice crossbow you have there.”

“Ah, isn’t she?” Varric sighed happily, and stroked his crossbow fondly. “Bianca and I have been through a lot together.”

“You named your crossbow Bianca?” Gwen asked, laughing slightly. 

Varric ignored her laugh. “Of course! And she’ll be great company in the valley.”

“Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but…” Cassandra sputtered out. Obviously Gwen was still missing a few facts. 

“Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker?” Varric crossed his arms against his chest. “Your soldiers aren’t in control anymore. You need me.”

Cassandra made a disgusted sound. Gwen felt that she’d like the two of them, if she had the chance to know them better, and if they ever stopped bickering. 

“My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions” the mage interrupted Gwen’s thoughts abruptly. ”I’m pleased to see you still live.”

Gwen frowned slightly in confusion. Had she met him previously? How long had she been knocked out?

“He means, ‘I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.'” Varric offered helpfully. 

“Then I owe you my thanks.” Gwen said humbly to Solas. She hadn’t realized that she’d even been near the brink of death. 

“Thank me if we manage to close the Breach without killing you in the process.” 

Gwen raised an eyebrow. She’d survived a blight, and everything else fate seemed to throw her way. She was certain that she’d survive this breach. 

Solas addressed Cassandra seriously. “You should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have ever seen. Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power.”

Breathe, Gwen thought angrily. She didn’t plan on being a prisoner for much longer. 

“Understood. We must get to the forward camp quickly.” Cassandra snapped into focus, and began to look for a suitable route to keep moving forward. 

“Well, Bianca’s excited.” Varric said, smiling brightly up at Gwen. 

Varric was her favorite, Gwen decided firmly as they continued up the mountainside. 

***

Gwen felt woozy. The images floating in the air showed that she was innocent, that she managed to interrupt some terrible sacrifice. But she still couldn’t remember those moments herself. A blinding headache would occur if she attempted to.

Cassandra was to her right, and she couldn’t stop asking questions about the images. 

“I don’t remember!” Gwen snapped angrily. 

“This rift is not sealed, but it is closed… albeit temporarily.” Solas saved Gwen from Cassandra’s questions, bringing the focus to the stakes at hand.

“I believe with the mark, the rift can be opened and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side.”

“That means demons. Stand ready!” Cassandra shouted, raising her sword. 

A massive pride demon exited the rift. Gwen lifted her eyes in awe to see the towering beast. This was going to require all hands at the ready.

“We must strip it’s defenses, wear it down!” Cassandra shouted, as she blocked an attack. 

Gwen nodded. She knew what she needed to do. She sent a whirlwind of fire in the direction of the demon, and ducked behind a large rock. She raised her hand towards the rift, and breathed. 

Green light erupted from her hand, meeting the eerie glow from the scar in the sky. Gwen gritted her teeth, and closed her eyes tightly, as the bond shook her to her very core. The rift pulsed against the sky, knocking the pride demon down to the ground. But it didn’t disappear like the smaller ones. 

“The demon is vulnerable, now!” Cassandra shouted. A volley of arrows shot through the sky, hitting the hard exterior of the demon. 

It didn’t do much to stop the lumbering beast from rising again. Gwen threw shards of ice at its feet. Solas was casting a spell to her left, and Varric had found a nice rock to stand on off to the side where he could safely launch exploding arrows. Cassandra stood directly in front of the beast, and bashed her sword against her shield. She was definitely a force to be reckoned with. 

Gwen took a deep breath, and approached the rift again. This time the surge of magic ripped through her body. The rift pulsed again. It gave the rest of the party members enough momentum to kill the pride demon, and the rest of its minions. 

Gwen was exhausted. Not only had she already taken down multiple smaller rifts, but she’d taken the long winding mountain path in order to save the scouts. She had every right to be tired, but she wasn’t done yet. 

“Do it!” Cassandra yelled.

Gwen stood squarely in front of the rift, and raised her hand for the third, and hopefully final time. Mana drained from her body at an alarming rate, but the rift slowly closed. 

Gwen fell to ground in exhaustion. She watched in awe as the sky erupted in green flames, before sucking everything back inside of the rift. It vanished before their eyes. Maker’s breath, Gwen thought tiredly, she’d been a part of a miracle. 

Shouts were heard all around her. But Gwen struggled to stay awake. Varric knelt next to her, and whispered encouraging messages to her, but it wasn’t enough. As her eyes flickered shut for the last time, she thought she saw a familiar blonde run up to her. 

Was that …. Cullen?, Gwen thought with much confusion. No, that can’t be right. 

Blackness covered her eyes, and she fell asleep. 


	7. The Inquisition Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is a protective cutie.

Cullen watched in awe as the rift disappeared in a green flash of light. The breach still remained in the sky, but there were no longer any demons pouring out onto the mountain top. 

“The Maker has blessed us today!” He shouted to his soldiers. 

They responded in a loud hurrah, banging their swords against their shields. Cullen left his troops at ease, and ran down to meet Cassandra and their new hero. As he climbed down the rubble, he saw the woman that he had yet to meet collapse on the ground. Varric knelt next to her. 

“Lady Seeker!” Cullen shouted, “That was an impressive fight.”

“Ah Commander,” Cassandra smiled smugly up at him, “I’m glad you recognize what a true warrior looks like.”

Cullen chuckled. “We have yet to test that theory out on the practice fields. The prisoner did well. Is she alright?” He glanced at her again, she looked somewhat familiar. 

“She’ll be fine.” Varric interrupted, “She may have a slight concussion, but she’s still breathing.”

Cullen nodded to the dwarf. “It’s a miracle it worked as well as it did.”

“Agreed.” Cassandra said solemnly. “Did you see the images in the sky? I believe that she must be the Herald of Andraste. I can’t see any other way around it.”

“No matter what she is. She’s an extremely powerful mage.” Solas added grimly, wiping off a streak of blood from his cheek. “She shouldn’t have survived that. I would like to study her further back at Haven.”

“Hey chuckles, how ‘bout you give Gwenllian a break? She’s not your test subject. All she just needs is a good long rest in a plush bed.” Varric snapped. 

“Gwenllian?” Cullen asked Cassandra softly, as Varric and Solas began to bicker. All of a sudden, Cullen couldn’t take his eyes off the fallen hero. He had known in his gut that this day would come, but now that it had … Cullen was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do. 

“Yes. She introduced herself as Gwenllian Trevelyan. However, I’ve never heard of such a family.” Cassandra responded. 

“That’s because she’s not from Ferelden.” Cullen said quietly. He could feel his heart beating quicker. He wasn’t prepared for this, but regardless of his mental preparation, he approached the fallen mage. 

Varric took a step back as Cullen knelt down beside Gwenllian. He carefully brushed a lock of hair out of her face. Cullen took a sharp breath. It truly was _ her _ . Memories that he’d kept repressed for over a decade came flooding back. 

The great oak doors bursting open, a strike of lightning lighting up Gwen’s form showing him that first glance, breathing heavily while his heart pounded relentlessly against his chest during sword practice, hearing her delighted laugh when she’d successfully land a blow, or when he’d blush so badly, and how his heart literally skipped a beat when she kissed him farewell. 

“Do you know her?” Cassandra asked, interrupting Cullen’s private thoughts. He blinked twice, momentarily confused as he remembered that he was still on a battlefield on the side of a blistering cold mountain. 

“Slightly.” Cullen admitted reluctantly. His true relationship with Gwen had always been private, and he certainly didn’t want that status to change. He had no idea if she even remembered him, let alone would still like him after all the things he’d said and done in Kirkwall. 

“I’m not sure if she’d remember me. I was just a templar stationed at the Ferelden mage circle that she briefly attended years ago.”

Cassandra nodded. The larger context of what he said was obviously lost on her. Cullen was extremely glad that Lelianna hadn’t arrived on the scene yet. She’d know the significance, and he knew she’d have follow up questions. 

“We need to take her to Haven.” Varric interrupted Cullen’s thoughts, “Otherwise she’s going to get bloody frostbite in this snow.”

“I’ll carry her.” The words escaped Cullen’s lips before he could even process what he just said. 

Cassandra nodded silently, while Varric just smirked up at him. Cullen ignored the piercing look Solas gave him. He took a deep breath, and lifted Gwen into his arms. He cradled her body against his. Her head resting softly against the fur lining on his shoulder. 

“Right, off we go.” Cullen said tersely. He led the way back down the mountain. Cassandra and her party followed close behind him. His troops helped create a safe path for him to carry Gwen. Every now and then he’d sneak a look at her. 

She was still beautiful, though Cullen didn’t dwell on that fact. There were too many swirling thoughts in his mind to focus on her beauty. She had a scar on her cheek he’d never seen before. She must’ve gotten it sometime after the circle. That meant she saw active duty before this incident. What type of enchanter did she become? Was she still carefree, or had time hardened her, like it had done to him?

“Commander!” A soldier ran up to Cullen, “We prepared the cabin you requested for the prisoner.”

“She isn’t a prisoner anymore.” Cullen said firmly. “She saved all of our lives.”

The soldier nodded quickly. “Sorry, slip of the tongue Commander.” The young soldier bounced on his feet, curiously looking at the woman Cullen held so tenderly. “Is that her?” 

Cullen resisted the urge to hide Gwen away from all the prying eyes. Many villagers of Haven had come out to see their new hero. “Yes. She needs rest. Back to your station soldier.”

The soldier took a step back, saluted Cullen, and ran off to his peers. The younger recruits still needed training on their manners, Cullen thought tiredly. 

Cullen carried Gwen through the throng of villagers. Everyone wanted a look at the one who saved them. It didn’t help that Cassandra was calling the event a miracle directly behind him. 

Finally he arrived at the small cabin, off to the side, away from the main village. He kicked the door open. A warm hearth was already burning. Cullen laid Gwen tenderly onto the soft bed. He took a step back, and took in his new reality. 

Even though she was in front of fire, she was still shivering. Her clothes were still wet, little icicles had started to form on her sleeves. She needed to change into dry clothes soon. Cullen could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks at the thought of undressing her. 

Cullen cleared his throat, and exited the cabin quickly. He wasn’t needed there anymore. 

“Cassandra, could you help Gwen into some fresh, dry clothes? The fire isn’t nearly enough for someone in her condition.”

“Of course.” Cassandra immediately got to work.

Cullen sat heavily on a tree stump. The sun was setting in the distance. The village bustled all around him. The day of his personal reckoning had come. There was now someone who knew what he was like before everything blew up in his face. A small part of his brain whispered that his infatuation with Gwen had been the reason why he had such a hard time letting the events of the circle go. 

He pushed that thought away. Cullen knew that the blame for his actions laid only on his shoulders. It had been a long day, Cullen thought with a sigh. 

The warm glow of the tavern in the distance beckoned to Cullen. He stood and stretched his arms over his head. A warm dinner and a good rest should clear his head from all these confusing thoughts, he decided. 

***

It had been two days since the rift had been closed and Gwenllian Trevelyan still hadn’t woken up from her slumber. Her magical mark was certainly taking its toll on her strength. Solas had worked with the local healer to help restore her strength. But nothing the two of them came up with seemed to work because Gwen slept on.

Cullen received reports twice a day from the servant stationed to guard Gwen’s cabin. They probably weren’t necessary, but Cullen appreciated knowing what had been done. 

“Anything new?” Lelianna asked, glancing at the report in his hand. 

Cullen tucked the report into his breast pocket, and raised an eyebrow at the spymaster. “It would be a rare day if I knew something new before you.”

Leliana chuckled. “True. I’d be a poor spymaster.”

“We both know that’s not ever going to be the case.” Cullen smiled knowingly. 

“Speaking of …” Leliana circled around Cullen, “I do have a few questions for you.”

Cullen sighed, “I thought I might’ve gotten out of your interrogations.”

“Not a chance.” Lelianna sat on the edge of the war table. “Our sleeping guest mentioned briefly that she knew my gray warden, and Cassandra mentioned that you had an interesting reaction when you first heard Gwenllian’s name.”

Cullen didn’t say anything. He leaned against the stone wall behind the war table, a hand resting casually on the hilt of his sword. 

“I haven’t asked much about your time in the circle tower out of respect for Solona’s wishes. But I haven’t heard from her in months now, and I feel that there’s something important that I’m missing.” Leliana cocked an eyebrow at Cullen, “I demand an explanation.”

“I was present at both Solona, and Gwen’s harrowings. I was supposed to be the templar who cast the killing blow if they didn’t succeed. Obviously, they both passed, and left the tower to pursue their different interests. You know what happened next. You were there.” Cullen glanced down at his feet uncomfortably. 

“Yes, you were trapped, and rambling the most bizarre things about a mage.”

“I was being tortured by an unseen demon, and literally watched all my peers die in front of my eyes. But yes, I’m sure I looked a little disheveled.” Cullen snapped angrily. 

“Pardon my wording, Commander. I didn’t mean to imply anything.” Leliana said softly. “It was a rough night for everyone, including myself.”

Cullen took a deep breath, and ran his hand loosely through his hair. “Did you have a question for me?”

Leliana nodded seriously. “I know that Solona wrote occasionally to a mage from her circle, and when we returned to the tower to check up on it’s progress, I know she specifically asked about you.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow. She still hadn’t asked her question. Leliana was usually more concise than this. 

“My question is, what was the nature of your relationship with the two of them?”

“Would you believe me if I said that I was simply a templar guarding them?”

“No.” Leliana said with pursed lips. 

Cullen sighed, and shook his head. “I didn’t think so. At the time, I would have considered myself a friend of sorts. However, I haven’t reached out to either mage since they left the tower. So I wouldn’t know where your sweetheart has disappeared to, or what Gwen’s been up to before the conclave.”

Leliana gave Cullen a curious look. “Templars don’t befriend their mages. What made them different?”

“That’s a good question.” Cullen smiled softly. “I’m not sure, to be honest. Gwen asked me to teach her how to use a sword, and Solona sat in on our lessons. I taught Gwen for a couple of weeks until she left for the Knight Enchanters.”

“Did you love her?” Leliana asked out of the blue. 

“Did I do what now?” Cullen blurted out in surprise. 

“Teaching a mage how to use a weapon goes against a multitude of templar codes. In my experience, men generally only break a rule they hold precious if there’s the right woman involved.”

Cullen had gathered his fragmented thoughts enough to recognize the dig. “That’s a low blow, even for you.”

“Commander …”

Cullen sighed, and raised his eyes to the ceiling. “It was ten years ago, it would hardly matter anyways.” He met Leliana’s hard stare. Maker, she was an intense interrogator. 

“I’m not sure.” Cullen admitted softly. “I do know that she didn't love me. So for the sake of all polite company, and the functioning of all our operations here, keep this conversation secret.”

Leliana stood up, and brushed off her robes briskly. “They don’t call me spymaster for no reason.”

“Good. Now back to the business of the day. Have you seen Lady Montilyet? I was informed that there was some issue she wanted to discuss about some local dignitaries.”

“I think I saw her down by the stables. When I see her next, I’ll send her your direction.” Leliana nodded, and took her leave. Her exit was as silent as her entrance had been. 

Cullen took a deep breath. He’d managed to survive that without losing any limbs. He’d count that as a victory. 

***

“Remind me again why I’m ass-deep in the snow?” Varric asked. 

Cullen leaned against the cliffside, briefly sheltering himself from strong winter winds. He breathed deeply, and smiled sheepishly down at the shivering dwarf. 

“I think you described this mission as a sentimental waste of time.”

Varric nodded, breathing puffs of warm air onto his clasped hands. “Sounds about right. You forgot to add the bit where I called you crazy.”

Cullen laughed, and clasped Varric tightly on the shoulder. “And yet here you are.”

“That’s because you pulled the Hawke card.” Varric grumbled. 

“We’ll be back at Haven in no time.” Cullen said confidently. “I’ll buy you a drink tonight.”

The wind lessened up for a moment, and in the short distance tents appeared against the horizon. 

“Look! We’re here.” Cullen pushed himself off the cliffside, and began leading the way to the encampment.

Mage tents were strewn across the cliffside. The force of the explosion at the conclave had blown all their possessions everywhere. Some must’ve caught on fire, since a few tents had charred edges. The Templars must’ve camped on the other side of the conclave, Cullen decided when he didn’t immediately see any of their insignias. 

“So what’s the plan Commander?” Varric said, folding his arms taking in the scene. 

Cullen tossed Varric a sack. “If you find anything that looks like it might have some personal value, put in the sack.” Cullen paused for a second, “And if there ends up being a lot of useful things still left here, I’ll have to send my soldiers to gather those things later.”

Varric nodded, and slung the sack over his shoulder. “I’ll start on this side, and meet you in the middle.”

Cullen wandered the destroyed campsite searching through the snow for personal possessions. He had the idea of a memorial for those that had died at the conclave after speaking to an eleven servant in Haven. They had casually mentioned how Gwen would wake up with none of her personal items, and it made him think about how he felt when he had to inform family members that a templar had died in duty without a body to show. 

There was an eerie feeling in this area. The spirits of the fallen mages probably still dwelled nearby on the other side of the fade. No one knew how the conclave discussions had been going. Cullen couldn’t tell if the feeling hanging over him was simply sadness, or if it was tinged with anger. 

He’d never been good at that part of spirituality. That was more of Mia’s speciality. She would be proud of his bipartisan effort for this memorial. 

Unfortunately, if progress had been made at the conclave, it was all for naught. Cullen had already received reports of increased conflicts between the two parties in the Hinterlands. Each party blamed the other side for the explosion. He was very grateful that he’d left the templar order when he did. 

Cullen noticed a small box, poking out of the snow. He pulled it out, and brushed off the snow. There was a name etched carefully on the top right corner. Cullen did a double take when he read it. This belonged to Gwenllian. 

He cracked it open, and saw a dried flower amongst a stack of letters. They hadn’t been damaged even though it had been sitting in the snow for who knew how long. He snapped the lid shut. It wasn’t his place to snoop on love letters. He pocketed the box in his coat, and took a deep breath. 

“Varric!” Cullen shouted to the rogue, “How’s your search going?”

Varric poked his head above some rubble, and shrugged. “Found a few amulets, and some clothes.”

“That’s good enough. They probably traveled sparsely. Let’s head to the templar camp, and then we’ll head back down to the valley.” 

Cullen trudged over through the deep snow to meet Varric. They still had a few more hours out in the brisk wind, but all he could think about was the small box burning a hole against his chest. 

***

“Use your shields!” Cullen shouted at his new recruits. “They aren’t an accessory.”

He had a dull headache from last night. Varric had demanded more than one drink as payment for his so called snow torture. Cullen wasn’t a heavy drinker, but all the uncertainty he faced with Gwen was building up in his mind, and so he had one tankard too much last night. 

“Commander!” A soldier saluted Cullen, beckoning to the side. 

“Keep sparing. I’ll be back in a moment.” 

Cullen followed the soldier off the side of the practice field. “What’s the report?”

“Not an official report, per say. I thought you might want to know that the elven servant responsible for guarding the hero has burst out of her cabin shouting a bunch of nonsense. Demanding to see Lady Pentaghast, but mainly just repeating “at once” a thousand times over.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow. “I’ll take it that our hero has awoken. Inform the troops to line the roads near the cabin at once. She deserves an honorary guard for her service, and besides they may be helpful at preventing overzealous villagers from overwhelming her. I will be at the chantry.”

The soldier saluted, and ran off to fulfill his duties. Cullen walked briskly, with purpose to the chantry. As he did so, his troops began to make a line from her cabin to the chantry. When the wooden doors slammed shut behind him, he heard the raised voices. 

Normally the chantry would be hushed, dimly lit, and whispers from everyone in the front hall. But the grating voice of Chancellor Rodrick, and Cassandra arguing in the far room could be heard quite clearly. Never a fan of political arguments, Cullen slipped into a side room. 

“Ah, Commander. It’s good to see you.”

Cullen turned around to see that he’d entered Lady Montilyet’s makeshift office. He nodded politely. “I would have thought you’d be at the thick of that argument.”

Josephine smiled knowingly. “I may love to play the game, but I do know when I am needed and when I am not. There’s nothing that I could say that would appease Chancellor Roderick at this time.”

“Well, their argument is bound to reach new levels relatively soon.” Cullen sat down in a chair. “Gwenllian has woken up. She should be here shortly.”

“Did you talk to her personally?” Josephine said with interest, as she grabbed a few papers from her desk.

“No.” Cullen rubbed his hands awkwardly together. “I received a report, and came straight here.”

“I was under the impression that you may go to her directly. I thought you knew her previously.”

“I don’t know who gave you that impression, but no, I haven’t seen her since she arrived in Haven. I haven’t been in contact with her for years.”

Jospehine smiled politely, but didn’t press the issue. They sat in relative silence. Josephine continued her work writing to nobles, and Cullen played with a loose string, waiting patiently for a sign from the other room. 

Eventually Lelianna burst into the room, eyes wild and fierce. “Josie! It’s time to sharpen your quills, Cassandra has invoked the ancient rites of an inquisition.”

“Oh dear, that’s a big deal. I must draft announcements for all the nobilites.”

Cullen stood up quietly. An inquisition was a monumental deal. “I will prepare our troops for whatever this inquisition will throw.” He said solemnly. 

“Thank you Commander.” Leliana bowed her head slightly in gratitude. “We will depend heavily on our troops, and my spies to accomplish the tasks that need to be done.”

“Is she still inside the council room?” Cullen asked. 

“Yes. Cassandra was explaining the more intricate details of invoking an inquisition when I left.”

Cullen nodded. “I’ll take my leave.” He nodded politely to the two smirking women. He had a feeling that Leliana had mentioned something to Lady Montilyet. 

He pushed open the council room door without pause. He didn’t want to second guess himself. Gwen stood hunched over the war table pouring over a large book that Cassandra was referencing. Her curly locks poured over her shoulders, covering her expression from view. Cullen coughed into his hand, alerting the two women of his presence. Both women looked up at him. He couldn’t read the expression Gwen gave him. 

“Leliana said you invoked the rites of an inquisition.” He directed his focus to Cassandra, “If you’ll have me, I would like to keep leading the troops in this noble cause.”

“Of course Commander. I would have it no other way.” Cassandra smiled proudly. “Gwenllian, as you can guess, this is our excellent commander of our troops.” 

Gwen cocked an eyebrow at him, a small smile creeping onto her face. “I thought that was you on the battlefield. Commander huh? Not sure I’ll get used to that anytime soon.” 

Cullen could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, but he ignored it the best he could. Was she teasing him? He stood up a little straighter. He wasn’t a quiet young templar anymore, he should be able to face her quips.

“I’m certain you’d be more surprised if I had remained at Kinloch hold for the past ten years.”

“An attempt at humour? That’s a rare sight.” Cassandra laughed, “I’ll leave you with the Commander. We’ll finish our discussion at a later time.”

Cassandra left, and they were alone. There was a moment of silence, as the pair took each other in. 

“You’ve matured nicely.” Gwen said lamely, breaking the silence. “Cassandra is right though, your humor still needs some work.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, but he could feel himself relaxing in her presence. “You still know how to make a dramatic entrance.”

“I’m never trying to.” Gwen shrugged slyly. 

“Nonetheless you’ve caught the hearts of the people of Haven. They call you the Herald of Andraste.”

“That is what Cassandra said.” Gwen said. Her demeanor shifted. All of a sudden Gwen was less playful, and more reserved. A slight frown hung on her lips. 

“Did Cassandra also mention that she was the one who put that idea in the villagers heads?” Cullen asked wryly. 

“No, that fact eluded her comments.” 

“She was directly behind me as I brought you back to Haven. She shouted your praises the entire trip down the mountain.” Cullen smiled fondly at the thought. He admired the Seeker deeply, but sometimes she was plain goofy.

“Oh.” Gwen said softly. “I didn’t know it was you.” Her eyes searched him intently.

Cullen rubbed his neck self consciously. He could feel the tension raise a few degrees. This wasn’t what he’d intended. 

“It was the least I could do after I realized it was you.” 

“Thank you.” Gwen walked around the war table, and stood in front of him. “I mean it, thank you.” She touched his wrist lightly. 

Cullen nodded, slightly uncomfortable. “So far we haven’t found any other survivors from the conclave.”

Gwen took a step back, blinking fast. “I understand.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Cullen said, unable to look her in the eyes. He wondered if she’d lost anyone special in the explosion. 

“I’ve survived worse, I’ll survive this too.” Gwen said firmly. 

That puzzled Cullen, but he didn’t pry. “Varric and I found this while out on the mountaintop. Is it yours?” 

He pulled out the little box from his pocket, and showed it to Gwen. Her eyes lit up when she read the inscription. 

“How did you- Yes! That’s mine.” Gwen took it out of his hands tenderly. “I thought it was lost forever.” She pressed the little box up against her chest. 

“I’m glad we were able to find it’s home.” Cullen smiled, but the nagging thought that he’d overstayed his welcome wouldn’t leave his mind.

“I should leave you. There are recruits who desperately need my help.” He said abruptly. 

“Oh” Gwen said, her brow furrowed slightly. “I won’t keep you any longer … Commander.”

Cullen nodded politely, and took his leave. As he walked away he felt relieved, and sad. He didn’t see how intently Gwen watched him walk away, or how she buried her face into her hands with a soft shout when the doors shut behind him. 


End file.
